𝘾𝙍𝘼𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙄𝙉𝙏𝙊 𝙔𝙊𝙐 ↣ 𝙊𝙉𝙀 𝘿𝙄𝙍𝙀𝘾𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉

ONCE IN A LIFETIME

"Mickey Horan!"

I kept staring at the stage, until Niall grabbed my shoulder. "Mick, you won!"

"I won?"

"Yes, you won!" Niall repeated. He pulled me up out of my seat and into a hug. I looked over his shoulder at Louis. He smiled. I pulled myself out of Niall's hold and into his instead.

"Knew you would, love," Louis whispered. He kissed right below my ear and, if it was possible, my smile got bigger.

Liam and Harry both got their hugs next, before they sent me up to collect my award. I walked up the steps and across the stage, to the center where the woman announcing the awards was. She handed me the microphone.

It was then that I realized I hadn't even thought about a speech.

"Uh, wow," I started, "this is really cool, um." I looked out at the boys, who were making their way to the edge of the stage. "Obviously I couldn't have done this without all of the fans. You guys are incredible, seriously. And it's just the beginning, you know? My second album drops in a few hours."

The audience erupted.

"Everything I am now is because of the boys. Louis, Liam, Niall, Harry and Zayn. I wouldn't be here today without them and their constant support. Like, seriously. You guys have been amazing," I said, turning to look at them at the edge of the stage. "Yeah, that's all I've got. Thank you!" I pressed my hands together and bowed a bit, before taking the award.

I held it tightly and walked off the stage, to the boys. My hands were trembling and by the time I made it off the stage to the boys, my chest felt tight.

The four of them were talking excitedly and I focused on Niall. When I was close enough, I tried my best to subtly let him know that we needed to clear out right away.

"Ni," I whispered. I balled my fists into his shirt. "We need to go. I'm gonna have a panic attack, we need to go," I mumbled frantically. I looked up at him and watched his excited face fall.

"This way," Niall whispered. He wrapped an arm around me and waved for Harry to follow us. I stayed between them, staring at the ground and trying not to freak out.

We were desperately searching for somewhere to go when a pap shouted my name. I looked up in shock.

"Keep going," Harry urged. He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me along. The three of us all ended up in a coat closet. As soon as the door shut behind us, I dropped onto my knees and gasped for air.

How am I supposed to go to award shows when they make me panic? This has been coming all day. This is why I felt off. I should have known.

That pap got pictures of us walking into this closet. Not getting asked about my panic attack on stage while on the Ellen show was lucky. I don't know how I'm going to get that lucky again.

"Okay," Harry whispered. He sat down behind me and pulled my back into his chest. I grabbed onto his wrists and tried to breathe. I tried to think.

I couldn't think.

"Look at me, Mick," Niall said. He dropped onto his knees and grabbed my feet. Well, my foot and my prosthetic foot. He squeezed my real foot to get my attention.

"Make it stop," I said frantically. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to press my hands over my ears. I couldn't, though, because Harry grabbed them and stopped me.

"It will stop soon," Harry promised. I leaned back against him and let tears drop down my face.

I'm never going to be okay. After everything I went though? I'll never be normal. I'm broken and not in the kind of way that can be fixed. I'm as good now as I have ever been.