twenty-one - dont forget where you belong

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[some people survive chaos
and that is how they grow.

and some people thrive in chaos
because chaos is all they know.]

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"And then I just kind of snapped on them," I finished quietly.

"You're allowed to be mad," Harry said from the other end of the phone. I had called him after I left the dinner table, needing a good listener who could also give good advice.

"I know, I know. But I shouldn't have told them that my life was bad how I did. They probably feel awful about it."

"Shouldn't they?"

"I don't know, Harry! I don't like making people feel bad," I mumbled.

"You didn't confront them to hurt their feelings, you did it to make you feel better."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I don't know, being here is just a lot to handle. I'm in the house that I could have grown up in instead. I'm supposed to be a completely different person! If Maura didn't drop me off in the middle of the night..."

"What are you saying, darling?" Harry asked softly.

"I don't want to be here," I sighed, "It- I can't-" I stuttered, trying to find what I wanted to say, "It hurts to see what I would be instead."

"Okay," Harry answered simply.

"Okay? Okay what?"

"You can come and stay with me in Holmes Chapel," Harry said.

"No! No, you're with your family and your friends! I can't just barge in!"

"You're my family, too, Mickey. It's not a problem."

"Harry," I mumbled.

"I promise. I'll talk to Niall and sort everything out."

"Thank you, Harry," I whispered into the phone. He hung up after that and I listened to Niall downstairs. He was yelling something about damaged, something about traumatized. So he's talking about me.

And then he said something about your fault. I heard footsteps coming upstairs so I sat up to face the door. Niall came in and flopped onto his bed, sighing loudly.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause all of this," I said.

"You're not the one who needs to apologize, Mick. They are. We should have grown up together," Niall said, looking up at me for a second. He dropped his head down again and I laid on my back, looking at the ceiling just like he was.

"We should've. But we didn't. I don't know what to tell you, Niall. Your parents did what they did sixteen years ago and it would have gone off without a hitch. They never told you because they thought you would never know. They didn't want you to be upset."

"Well, I'm upset."

"For what? What is you being mad at them going to accomplish? They're the same people they've always been. It's just the fact that I'm here, that's why it's bothering you this much."

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