𝘾𝙍𝘼𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙄𝙉𝙏𝙊 𝙔𝙊𝙐 ↣ 𝙊𝙉𝙀 𝘿𝙄𝙍𝙀𝘾𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉

thirty-three - love you goodbye

"You know what, Lou? You can't treat me like I'm some kind of mistake! Do you how much it hurts when you stand here like this and tell me you wish you never would have fallen in love with me? I know you regret it, okay? You've made that obvious. I'm sorry that loving me is so awful!"

(Let's back up, shall we?)

-

[TWO WEEKS AFTER MICKEY LEFT THE HOSPITAL, and FIVE HOURS BEFORE THE ARGUMENT]

-

"You have a date tonight?" I asked Louis. He was brushing his hair, fixing his shirt collar. I watched him though the reflection in the mirror.

He looked back at me.

"Yeah, I'm bringing El down to the new restaurant on 22nd street," Louis said.

"I heard they have good pasta," I said with a shrug.

"Don't you need to get ready for your thing with Harry tonight?"

"Yeah, but um- Can I stay for a few more minutes?" I wasn't ready yet.

Louis and I? Things had been more than complicated. We both had a lot of outside pressure to do the right thing. Whatever the right thing was supposed to be.

"Of course," Louis said softly. He looked back at the mirror, before setting his comb down and turning all the way back around to face me. "What's got you all in your head?"

"Nothing," I said quickly. Louis gave me a look and came to sit next to me. The bed sagged under his weight, the dip making me slide closer to him.

"I know you better than this, love. You know you can tell me anything, don't you?"

I looked down at my lap. My eyes welled up and I tried to smile, but it faltered. Louis brought his hand around my cheek and turned my chin up and towards him.

I hated him seeing me like this. I hated him seeing me hurt, because I knew it broke his heart. "Oh, love," Louis whispered.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I whispered back. He didn't let me turn my head away from him when I tried. "I know you hate seeing me upset and I know that you hate it's because of you. I'm sorry, Lou, I'm sorry-"

"Stop," Louis said. He let out a sharp breath. "You don't have to apologize for hurting. I'm hurting too. It's okay that it hurts."

I opened my mouth, but nothing would come out. When I tried again, my voice croaked pathetically. Louis pulled me into his chest and I wrapped my arms around him. I gripped his shirt in my hands and held on, sniffling softly and trying not to break down. Louis played with my hair.

"I know I shouldn't love you," Louis mumbled. "But I do."

"Stop," I begged. "You need to love Eleanor. Not me, you can't love me."

"I'm in love with you, Mickey Horan. It's been you from the day we met."

"Lou, please. Please stop," I said, pulling away and wiping my tears. I stood up, I tried to leave, but he pulled me into his lap. My legs wrapped around his waist. "We can't, you know we can't," I mumbled.

"I love you," he repeated. His arms wrapped around my back, fingertips splaying across the expanse of my spine.

"I love you too," I said weakly. Louis flipped us over and kissed me. He kissed me, and I kissed him back. "I'm so in love with you," I gasped when he pulled away. I pulled him back down into me.

"Baby, love, Mickey, my darling," Louis said frantically, speaking whenever he could.

"We can't, you know that we can't," I said, moving my hands onto his chest to stop him. Louis rolled so I was on top of him and I collapsed into his chest. I put one more delicate kiss on his lips. The way I watched him kiss Eleanor.