Darkest Days. -(Michaeng)

Chapter Two.

Chapter song: R.I.P 2 my youth- The Neighbourhood

1 month after momos passing

don't leave me, please don't leave, momo please come back. I woke up gasping for air in a cold sweat tears streaming down my face. That nightmare again. Me walking in on momo being choked to death, trying to save her as she laughs in my face slowly dying and i can't save her. Guilt ran over me everyday since then. If only i went home straight after school, i could have saved her or even talked her down from it. It's my fault she went through with it. I should have been there for her, i failed her as a sister, i failed her as a best friend, i failed as a daughter.

I laid in the hospital bed sobbing all night. Today i was being released. After i passed out they discovered i have CAD (Coronary artery disease). The doctor told my parents that i might not make it. Good i thought, i'll get to be with momo again. I know it was selfish to think like that but thinking that gave me comfort, to the point where i kinda of prayed i would die from it. Just to be with momo again. Unfortunately that wasn't the case, they started putting me through treatments. i'd rather die i thought as i watched the nurse hook me up for my treatments.

"Last treatment before you leave, are you excited to get out of here it's been a month" she giggled.

I stared at her with dead eyes. Why does she get to be so happy. I'm here slowly dying and she's asking me if i'm excited. I verbally scoff and stare out the window. She sighs and leaves the room quietly.

My life has completely changed in the last month. My bestfriend, my soulmate was ripped from my hands, i have a heart condition where i could potentially die. My mother picked up drinking and my father doesn't come home anymore, when he does he smells of another woman's perfume. Mother knows she's not stupid, she chooses to stay with him for my sake which is worse then just divorcing. She ran to alcohol and my father ran to cheating.

the next day

We arrived home, mother went straight to the kitchen and poured herself a large glass of wine. I slowly walked up the stairs, not wanting to face momos room. Her room was right next to mine, walking past with tears falling from my eyes i entered my room. Nothing changed, i sat on my bed crying. Looking  at my desk there was a note.

Minari it read. I jumped up and grabbed the note, momo was the only one who called me Minari. We both had cute nicknames for each other mine was Minari and hers was maur maur. I knew the note was from her.

I slowly opened it reading:

To my bestfriend and soulmate,

Hey kiddo i miss you, i'm sorry for leaving you so soon. I couldn't bring myself to look you in the eyes i knew if i did  i wouldn't be able to go through with this. I've been suffering for a long time, mentally. I've had depression since i was little it was a battle but when you were born you made everything better. Taking you in my arms as a 9 year old I loved you so much i told everyone you were my daughter and pushed you around in the stroller. i giggled with tears falling down my face. i know you're giggling right now cause i am too :) but mina it was my time. I felt like i needed to be freed from this war in my head, freed from the pain. I know i'm going to miss you so much, miss your cooking, miss your smile, the way you say EH? when you're confused, miss looking at you, you came out so beautiful with 3 moles on your face, your penguin walk. God you look so much like a penguin. Loser :) But you grew up well, i'm so proud of you! I want you to know NONE of this was your fault, it was my own, my damaged brain. I'm at peace with my decision and i hope you guys can move on from this in a healthy way. But don't forget me or i'll be pissed and haunt all of you guys i swear. Take care of mom and dad for me will you? I love you forever Minari 
-love maur maur, I LOVE YOOUUUU  <3 <3