Olethros

nine - freyja

I regretted not saying goodbye to my brother. I shouldn't have snapped at him, but I couldn't stand the way he spoke like he had no ability to stop this. Before the past week, the desire to change my future had been just that. Desire, fantasy, temptation. Then, my drunken mistake had gotten me closer than ever and it was suffocating me. The fear of my brother finding out, of my father finding out, of being locked away until I would be wed. I didn't know who my future husband was, but I had a suspicion he'd already been chosen.

Now, four days after they'd left, I felt trapped. I had no one to turn to. Mor hadn't been around each time I went to the palace within the mountain to see her. Kier had told me she'd run off to Velaris with Rhys and Cassian. I wondered if Azriel was with them, because he hadn't mentioned him. Either way, I had no one to talk to. I avoided my mother except for my lessons. I hated them.

My lessons consisted of how to be silent, to sit pretty and obey my husband's every command. I think she knew I was feeling different in the past days because she hadn't bothered me other than feeding me. I wanted to deny each meal, but she'd prop a hand on her hip and tell me, "A male does not wish for a malnourished wife. They like you to be well fed and ready to bare a child."

I was cattle. I was being sold to the highest bidder to make them look more powerful. It made me sick. I couldn't feel anything other than the growing nausea deep in my stomach. My skin felt itchy, my eyes and nose burning. I was uncomfortable. I tried to chalk it up to being so close to the Hewn City and the final choice for my freedom. I was within a breath from anywhere I'd want to go, but the proximity made me want to finish the task I had started.

I thought the solution could be to return to Windhaven. I'd spent most of my time there with my mother. I also thought maybe I could spend time with my brother in Velaris- move into whichever home they were staying in and just try and live a normal life. Gods, I wanted that. I knew it could never happen. I'd never be allowed to live without my mother until I was married.

My hands brushed over my chilled face, the wind whipping around me on the veranda. My father was in his office, and the idea terrified me, but I needed to know. I'd never asked him for that. I'd never asked to live without him or my mother. We've gotten in arguments about making Windhaven safer for the two of us, but that was my only complaint I'd made to him.

I wasn't afraid, I felt nothing. I was so fucking empty. I just wanted to feel like I was real. I was tired of whatever snapped in my mind and convinced me that I was nothing more than an object to be used. I should fear the wrath he'd lay upon me at such an obvious act of defiance, but I couldn't care anymore.

I walked down the southern stretch of the palace, to the expansive office the size of a damned ballroom. I knocked on the massive doors, praying that he was in here and not speaking with Kier.

"Come in," my father's gruff voice sounded from behind the thick oak. I steeled myself, lifting my chin and letting that hated defiance show. I pushed the door open, my eyes immediately finding my father at his large desk. He was impeccably dressed, a snug jacket of ornate thread designs buttoned to his throat. His sharp eyes met mine. He was intimidating, but I had no fear anymore. I'd die before I let myself be sold away.

"Father," I greeted, taking my seat across from him. I settled into the cushion, bringing my leg over my knee. I kept his gaze, refusing to back down. I saw the way it concerned him, the slightest arch of his brow.

"Freyja. What do you need? I am very busy," he muttered, being the first to drop his eyes back to the parchment spread across the dark wood.

"I would like to go to Velaris to stay with Rhysand. I have lived nearly three decades without spending time with him alone and I think it's time for your trust to extend to your daughter, not only your son."