Olethros

thirty five - azriel

I didn't believe in love. I didn't, but with Freyja, I thought it could be possible. I'd been terrified to tell her of the things I'd done to those males because surely, a good female like Freyja should've been afraid of me. She should've hidden herself and demanded that I leave, but she didn't. Instead, she listened intently to each detail, every gruesome fact, and she'd been smiling.

"They deserved it, Azriel. I'm glad to know that you're the one who'd done it," she had said to me.

I was in utter shock. After I'd finished telling her, Freyja had lifted my hands and kissed them, murmuring about how I was not a monster, that I wasn't ugly or wrong. I'd never been so enamored by someone like I was for her. She fed into my worst thoughts, bringing them to light and showing me that I shouldn't be ashamed.

She had told me how she'd fought her father about protecting the females there. Freyja told me of the rallies she tried to start with the other angry females, and then been punished by being brought to the Moonstone Palace. She'd told me when she and Rhysand had gone to a lunch at a small cafe in the village during his training and a male had grabbed at her. Freyja had turned and sent her fist into his nose, despite being far shorter than him. Rhysand had to step in and force the male from the cafe, and they'd promised not to tell anyone so Freyja wouldn't get sent away again.

Alcaeus had suspected she had been 'acting out' and sent spies to watch over her. Once she'd grown close to her maturity, Alcaeus had punished her so often that during the war, she and Odessa remained in the Moonstone Palace so that Freyja could be taught to be a lady. During the years, Alcaeus would return and test her, claiming that she was to be married off as an alliance with another court, and Freyja was afraid that if she rebelled, he would send her to whomever would be her husband.

The talk had grown more consistent in the last year and Freyja said she'd grown terrified that she could no longer handle herself if she was sent to a cruel male. That was why she was desperate to ruin her chances of it. She'd grown meek and afraid, she claimed.

"I just know I'll become like my mother. I'll be used for an heir and thrown to the side to entertain myself while he finds pleasure with others. I want love, Azriel. I don't want to be a male's plaything."

I wanted her to be loved, too. I wanted to love her, but I wasn't so sure I was capable of it. I'd only ever hated. Love seemed too gentle, too docile. I was neither of those things. I was a cruel male who wanted pleasure and blood. Was that even true anymore? I was sat with a nude female on my hips yet I spoke to her of my deepest feelings. I wasn't fucking her, I wasn't coating her in my blood. I didn't even crave pain or pleasure. I just wanted her skin on mine, which in itself was foreign to me.

When I'd been with Flora, I wouldn't let our skin touch unless it was my bloodied hand on her body. I had hated the idea of my marred flesh on a female's. I thought that they didn't deserve my cruel hands on their bodies unless it brought them pleasure. Now, I couldn't think straight if I didn't have Freyja's skin on mine. She'd called me worthy of touching her and I couldn't get enough.

Even my fingers holding hers or my hand resting on her thigh, I needed it. My body felt calm with hers against it, my mind soothed by her presence. She was my salvation, saving me from the darkest thoughts. Here and now, my every thought was of her.

"I don't see you as a monster, Azriel. A true monster wouldn't care if they were one. They wouldn't be concerned of harming a female. You are a savior of my people. You have been tortured and hurt, and now it's your turn to be unleashed. I love your violence, I love your pain, and I love you," Freyja murmured softly, leaning forward.

Gods, I would cry. I was sure of it. I'd never felt such peace. Freyja's lips captured mine, her small hands gripping my face. I could help but tangle my fingers into the back of her hair. I hoped she didn't feel how badly I shook or the sniffle as I tried to fight back tears. I'd never felt the light of love or nurture besides my brothers, and the love they had for me was nothing like this. Their love was a battlefield loyalty, putting their lives on the line for mine. This, however, was something I would kill for. I'd do terrible things just to feel this a moment longer.