Sunflower with Thorns

ELEVEN

CAIN

I was scared. No, I was terrified of the feelings I was beginning to feel toward Zander. Every time we played, every time I looked at him when he smiled, every time he reached out for me in his sleep, whenever he was just himself my heart would beat so loud and fast that I'd thought it would jump out of my chest just to get to him.

I was scared that I was falling in love with him, so I did the one thing I always did. I fucked someone, someone that wasn't Zander. It's not like that would be cheating, we weren't in a relationship, I was not committed to him in any way.

"You called for me, Sir?" Olive asked as he opened the door to my office. He looked like a mistake ready to happen but all I saw was someone willing to make my heart stop longing for Zander. Someone willing to do anything I asked of him.

"Yes I did. Strip and get over here." I demanded and watched as his look of confusion quickly molded into one of lust.

⇇ ⇉

It was a mistake, I couldn't even stay hard without thinking of Zander. I had to close my eyes and pretend that it was him I was fucking into and not Olive. I should've just stopped and told Olive to leave, but I didn't; for some reason I decided that I needed to finish before I never touched Olive again. I was so sure that my pride was more important than anything.

My hips froze as I heard a small gasp and a broken voice whimper out, "C-Cain?" My eyes snapped open to see Zander standing in the doorway with the door wide open. Tears were just starting to fall down his face as he looked at me with broken-hearted eyes. Before I could talk to him, he turned and ran away from the office.

"Wait!" I called out after him but he was gone. "Fuck. Get out." I said to Olive as I pulled away from him and ran my hands through my hair. What the fuck did I just do? Fuck, I broke him. I'm supposed to protect him and I fucking broke him. I thought distressingly.

"Can't we finish? It's not like him seeing us matters." Olive said as he tried to shake his ass at me, trying to seduce me. All I could focus on was the look that Zander had given me before he ran away.

I glared at him as I pulled up and buckled my pants. "I said get the fuck out, Olive."

"All I'm saying is that he is just your plaything. It even says so on his collar. He doesn't matter, he'll be gone when he fulfills his purpose. Meanwhile, I'll be here, ready for you, just like before he showed up."

I'm not sure what it was, but something inside me snapped at the way he spoke of Zander. I grabbed him by his arms and yanked him to stand up. "You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. You have no idea what he is to me." I shouted at him, my face in his.

He smirked up at me and gently put a hand on my chest. "Then why were you here fucking me and not him?" He asked.

Honestly, the question stumped me. I knew that I didn't want to feel the things I felt toward Zander. But I also knew that seeing him look at me with those eyes filled with broken-hearted tears tore me apart. I knew that I never wanted to see him look at me like that ever again.

I wanted to see him smile at me, like he did before. I wanted him to be happy, but I didn't know how to make someone happy. I hadn't made someone happy on purpose in years.

"I-I," I stuttered, causing Olive's eyes to widen. The way he was looking at me quickly changed to one of concern. "I didn't want to feel," I whispered out, defeated.

"Cain," he said gently as he shrugged my hands off of him. He guided me to sit down at my desk chair and held my face in his hands.

"I've known you for years. I knew you before and after Lilith. And I also know that you went through a very similar situation with Lilith."

"Please don't compare them. I can't take it." I sighed out as I rubbed the bridge of my nose.

"Well it's true, Cain, you did. You were so worried about making her happy because you're this big tough mafia man. You didn't know if you could give her the kind of life you thought she deserved." He moved around the room and got dressed while he spoke. "You may not be doing the exact same thing now. But I know that you are worried about loving someone else after Lilith was killed."

I said nothing as I followed him around the room with my eyes.

"You need to figure out how you feel about him. Because just from the look he gave you when he saw us, he feels a lot for you." He ended his speech and walked out of the room.