Sunflower with Thorns

TWELVE

ZANDER

I felt a burning in my chest, like my heart was being torn out of me. I was so sure that the pain I was feeling was physical, that if I were to look at my chest I would've seen bloody claw marks. Tears burned my eyes as I ran through the house.

I didn't stop running until I was standing in the doorway to Cain's bedroom. My body moved on its own as I walked into the room and stopped at the closet door. Slowly, I opened the door and slid in, squeezing myself between the hanging clothes and the wall behind them.

I curled myself into a tight ball and rested my head on my knees. My never-ending tears soaked my pants as I cried. I didn't wail, I didn't make a sound as I quietly cried and stared blankly at the dark closet wall across from me.

I still felt the hurt and pain in my heart, but slowly I was becoming numb to the pain. I felt like nothing mattered, no one mattered. I tensed as I heard footsteps coming into the bedroom.

"Zander?" Cain called out softly, his voice sounded strained, like he was struggling with his own pain. Hearing his voice made another surge of pain hit me in the chest, like just hearing his voice put me back where I had found him mere moments ago, or maybe it had been hours?

I said nothing in return as I heard him move around the room. I don't know how he knew where I was but it didn't take him long to open the closet door.

"I know you're in there," he said simply, "come on out so we can talk."

I blinked slowly and did as I was told. I didn't meet his eyes, keeping mine glued to the floor, as I walked out of the closet and sat on the edge of the bed with my hands in my lap.

"I want to apologize, Zander." I flinched at his use of my birth name. I knew he said he would use it, but he hadn't up until that point. It felt like he was pulling himself away from me. "I shouldn't have had sex with someone else."

"It doesn't matter." I stated simply as I lifted my eyes to look straight ahead at nothing. "It's not like we are in a relationship, you can fuck whoever you want." The blank tone of my voice made Cain cringe. He knew that he had broken me, I just didn't know how he was going to try and fix me, or if he even would.

Cain walked toward me and crouched in front of me, gently taking my hands in his. "While you are right, puppy, we aren't in a relationship. But it's not right of me to tell you not to sleep with others and not follow the same rule."

"You're my Master, you don't have to follow any of the rules you give me. It's my job to follow the rules." My voice still had no emotion to it as I spoke. Cain frowned at me and stood up, he moved to sit next to me on the bed.

"Zander," he began, making me straighten my back. "It's also my job to protect you. I know that me fucking him hurt you. I don't want to hurt you in ways that you don't like, that's not what you signed up for. What can I do to make up for this puppy? What do you want?" He gently touched my cheek to turn my head so I was facing him.

His eyes were full of regret which caused mine to fill with tears yet again. "I-I just want to forget about this. But every time I close my eyes, I see you over him. It hurts so much, Master." I cried, causing his eyes to grow wide, he quickly pulled me into his arms and held me.

He ran his hand through my hair and gently rubbed my back. Slowly, he leaned back and laid us down. "I don't know how to make the pain go away for good, puppy. But I know something that can help for now." he whispered gently. I felt one of his arms move from me as he tried to find something on the nightstand.

I smiled and nuzzled into his chest more when I heard the theme song to my favorite comfort show. It was embarrassing, telling him about it at first because the show was made for children, but he never once made fun of me.

"I promise, I will never cause you this pain again puppy. I will never cause you any more pain that you don't like or want. I will never break you again," he said as he gently pulled my head out from his chest. I blinked at him, my eyes hurting from crying so much.

"J-just promise to always put me back together," I whispered.

He smiled softly at me and nodded, he pulled me down and kissed my forehead before guiding me to lay back down. "Always."