Riptide / j.p x o.c

Valentines

Warnings: self harm, identity crisis.

Jackie's POV:
I feel bad about it but I really haven't spoken to Sara properly in a while. Today is Valentine's Day and my boyfriend just broke up with me. I remember before we did a girls day on Valentine's Day since neither of us were in relationships.

Walking up to Sara's dorm, I hold the chocolates and film options and can only hope that she is as accepting as before. To be honest, last time I had seen her was a few days ago but I was too scared to talk to her since she was leaving the hospital wing.

In all honesty, I get if she doesn't want to talk to me ever again since I practically abandoned her for my now ex-boyfriend. She wouldn't have ever done that to me yet I did without a second thought. I get a boyfriend for one second and suddenly I seem to think it's fine to leave my friends.

I knock the door and half expect no answer when suddenly the door opens to show Sara. I smile at seeing her looking properly alive and for once she smiles back. She moves so I can come into her room and soon enough I feel like nothing has changed except for the fact we both have a lot of issues just not with each other hopefully.

We sit on her bed and are laughing like old times and even get the usual snarky comments from her roommates for being too loud. It's like everything is back to normal and we are still just two kids hanging out with no other worries.

I offer her chocolate as the  film continues but as usual Sara declines. She never had much of a sweet tooth so I was fine with that as I ate my feelings through chocolate and sweets.

As the movie continues, we talk about everything and anything. She explains what happened around Christmas and I tell her about mine and George's breakup because it turns out he has some floozies in Ravenclaw and in America.

"Wait, so you, Jackie Arnold, are telling me that you were the other woman in the relationship and there was also another other woman? How does that even work?" Sara asks, incredulously. "Well apparently one woman in each country isn't enough" I say, laughing away.

"What has he told his first girlfriend?" she inquired. "He's not sure which was first, Darla or Dotty, they're twins" I explain, "and apparently he has to keep up some rota and wants two girlfriends in each country."

"That's ridiculous, how can any one be so selfish? He's probably hunting for girlfriend number #4 right now, has he checked the Slytherin dungeons because I recon Dede Zabini might be free, they have the same tendencies" Sara points out.

Dede Zabini is known for going from guy to guy like it's what make her life. She made it clear in first year that she wants to marry rich a couple times and steal the fortunes. She is only fifteen and has already had many proposals. "Seriously? I thought she was still with that seventh year, Amos" I say, laughter fills the room.

We continue for hours and at some point we realise it is nearly 5am. I fall asleep quick but by the time that I am awake, I hear Sara in the shower. "Sare, I'm gonna get something to eat and I'll bring you up something" I shout to her, still in yesterday's clothes.

"Don't worry, I'll see you in a bit" Sara yells from the shower. I assume she'll come down for lunch and see me then so I walk downstairs and past her roommates who are also going downstairs and give me dirty looks.

Sara's POV:
I hold my throat, it took everything in me to respond. I slump down in the shower and just stare at the floor. Last night was fun but I can't help but have regrets for being angry at her for so long because she chose George over me.

Staring at the shower floor, I notice my razor I left after shaving the other day. Maybe then I'll feel something. All I want is to feel human no matter how but I just can't. Last night was fun and I enjoyed seeing Jackie but I just didn't feel anything not deep down.

Leaning forward, I grab the razor and stare down at my thighs. It can't be too low with spring coming soon but maybe this could help me feel something. So I cut and I cut again and again but nothing happens.

Tears fall down my face as I question why I can't feel anything. I feel more pain when someone calls me thunder thighs. I get people mean that type of thing as a joke but it still kills me now to look at my thighs. I get I was never the biggest in my class but it still feels like I am and the worst thing is there is no one I  can I talk to about it because then I'm overreacting.

Shadows seem to surround me as I cry on the bathroom floor. I don't know what is happening to me but it seems like people assume I am making everything up. How can I make whatever this is up if I don't even know what is happening to me?