All My Mother's Rules

Chapter 1: Crime and Punishment

Christmas was my mother's favorite time of the year. Can't say the same for myself. I mean, don't get me wrong. I liked Christmas as much as any other kid. Racing down the stairs at the crack of dawn to get the first glimpse of the surprises beneath the tree. Decorating cookies. And candy canes. I absolutely loved candy canes.

But Mom took it to the extreme. And by extreme, I mean that I'd just stepped off the bus to the sight of her at the top of a ladder stringing lights across the front of the house. It was the first week of October.

I did my best to keep a straight face despite the giggles coming from my friends Desi and Samantha. They knew the drill, but it didn't make the situation any less funny to them. At least this year, Mom was not putting up Christmas-themed Halloween decorations. Skeleton Santa, anybody? Yeah, no thanks.

I try not to make eye contact with Mom. I swear she was always trying to come up with new ways to embarrass me. She had on the absolute worst Christmas sweater, which was saying a lot because she's got a closet full of them. It was unusually chilly for a fall day in New Mexico, and any excuse to wear a sweater was a good one for her. Walking quietly up the driveway, I nearly reached the front door - Christmas wreath on it and all - without catching her eye. Like I'd ever gotten away with that.

"Sarah," Mom yelled. "Make sure to check up on your sister before you start your homework. It's been about thirty minutes."

"Sure thing, Mom," I reply, followed by a sigh that was too small for her to notice.

I might be turning fifteen soon, but any noticeable back-talk or back-anything meant risking some hard swats to my bottom.

Having been an only child for the first eleven years of my existence, I was so thrilled when Emilia was born three-and-a-half years ago. I had helped decorate Emilia's nursery, picking out all the colors and accessories. I even arrived at the hospital all proud with by big sister shirt on. That thrill had lasted all of three weeks until I graduated from adoring older sister to unpaid babysitter. And don't tell me it builds character. I'd heard that cliché more than enough.

I opened the door to the sound of "I'm dreaming of a White Christmas" serenading through the house, followed by the pitter-patter of bare feet scrambling across the wood floor.

"You're home! You're home," Emilia yelled as she rushed around the corner and gave me a hug around my waist. I mean, of course, I'm home. Not like Mom usually let me go anywhere else after school was out. Fourteen might be old enough to babysit my sister, but Mom didn't think it was old enough to do things like sleepovers.

Emilia was dressed in a pink Minnie Mouse t-shirt with a matching pink Minnie Mouse pull-up. If you were wondering what Mom had asked me to check, let's just say my latest responsibility was being conscripted into the great potty-training war. This was our third attempt. Unfortunately, Mom hadn't found my jokes about "World War Pee" to be particularly funny.

We had made two heroic attempts at potty-training already: once when Emilia had turned two and again after her third birthday. We tried every tactic we could think of. Stickers, charts, rewards, special "big-girl" panties, potty-training toilets in every room of the house. There was a week where we had let Emilia just run around naked. That was such a mess. Mom had even half-joked about having me wear pull-ups to model good potty-training behavior for Emilia. I'm so glad she didn't go through with that.

This time around, though, we needed to succeed. There weren't any other options. Emilia would be kicked out of her preschool if she wasn't toilet trained by her fourth birthday. Mom threw a fuss with the daycare, but I don't blame them. Who wants to be changing a four-year-old's dirty diaper? I sure as heck didn't.