All My Mother's Rules

Chapter 86: Reunited

Jodie held open the car door for me, but I didn't immediately get out.

That had been Lisa I had seen looking out for me through a gap in the curtains in the living room window.

My heart was pounding. I wasn't ready for that conversation. Every script I had attempted to rehearse on the way over felt completely and totally inadequate for this moment.

I wondered again what the CPS officers had told the Higgins in preparation for my arrival. What did they already know? What would be left for me to explain? What did I even want to explain, even if I could somehow manage to find the words to do so?

"It's going to be alright," Jodie said. "They sounded extremely excited to have you come live with them when we spoke on the phone this morning." She extended a hand to help me up. I took hold of her wrist and stepped out of the car.

I heaved the backpack over my shoulder and grabbed the handle of the tote bag of diapers I had been given in the hospital. Jodie and Amanda each took one of the suitcases as we headed toward the front door.

Amanda set the suitcase she was carrying down on the front step and reached over to ring the doorbell. The door opened before she could do so.

Mrs. Higgins ushered us inside. I found myself unable to meet her eyes. I instead paid extremely close attention to where my feet were treading as we followed Mrs. Higgins inside to the living room, and I set my things on the floor next to the window overlooking the driveway.

Amanda and Jodie were standing next to me. The Higgins were on the other side of the room, standing next to the couch. Lisa was nowhere to be seen.

What followed was a moment of awkward silence that stretched uncomfortably long. I took a small amount of comfort in knowing that I wasn't the only person who was having trouble figuring out what to say. I shuffled my feet on the carpet, finding it difficult to completely close my legs because of how full my diaper had become.

That my diaper was wet was a given. The only times my diapers were ever dry at this point were during the first fifteen minutes or so after changing. It had now been a couple hours since I had last changed myself back at the hospital.

I heard something creaking on the wood floor in the hallway around the corner. Then Lisa was peeking her head around the corner. I almost didn't recognize her at first with her new haircut. Her lengthy, pitch-black hair had been trimmed back significantly. It only barely reached her shoulders now.

She ducked back out of sight again before coming all the way out of the hallway and taking several steps into the living room, where she paused again, standing next to her aunt.

"Hey, I um. Sorry." I tried to say something to Lisa, but I couldn't manage to string a coherent sentence together.

Lisa ran forward to give me a hug, nearly knocking me backward against the window. Even if I had known what to say now, I wouldn't have been able to with how tight her grip was around me.

"It's OK," she said, her voice cracking. "I've been so, so worried about you."

I looked up at her face. There were tears running down it. If the adults in the room were saying anything, I was too focused on Lisa to take note of it. We kept holding onto each other, neither of us wanting or allowing the embrace to end. I found myself crying into her shoulder as well.

Lisa's aunt finally interrupted the silence, placing a hand on my shoulder. "We're really glad to have you here, Sarah." I broke off the hug with Lisa just enough to give a tepid nod in response. I was still at a loss for what to say. A simple thank-you felt wholly inadequate for how they were willing to take me in like this.