All My Mother's Rules

Chapter 87: What to Say?

After getting the fresh diaper on, I realized I was going to need to figure out what brand it was that Mom had used for me. Those diapers were a good middle ground between the stupidly thick diaper I now had on and what I had been wearing at the hospital. Perhaps that was something Lisa would know.

I picked up my sweatpants from where I had tossed them on the floor and fished out my phone from the pocket. I let the pants fall back onto the floor and looked around for somewhere to charge it.

Lisa and I both had the same brand of phone, so I was able to make use of the charger on the nightstand next to the bed.

I laid down on my back on the bed with just a T-shirt and diaper on, waiting for the phone to get charged enough so that I could turn it on. A yawn escaped my attempts to hold it in.

It wasn't even time for lunch, and I was already tired. It wasn't physical exhaustion. Packing my things up at my house and bringing them here hadn't been a difficult task, especially with Amanda and Jodie's assistance.

I was just mentally exhausted from all the pent-up tension that had been building inside me all the whole way here, the anxiety from trying to guess how Lisa and her aunt and uncle would react to me, and the stress of leaving behind the only home I'd known.

I wished Lisa would hurry up and come back in. I really needed to apologize for how I had lashed out at her again.

I yawned again. I fought the urge to close my eyes for just a few seconds.

I tapped the phone screen. Five percent. Not much, but enough to power it on so long as I kept it plugged in. I pressed the power button until it began to turn on.

I swiped my finger, tracing the intricate path needed to unlock the phone screen. I held my breath as a massive flurry of message notifications flooded onto the screen.

I couldn't take my eyes off my phone as I skimmed through the hundreds of messages that had built up in my absence.

Not a single day had gone by when Lisa hadn't sent me a message. Sometimes, she expressed concern about how I was doing. Other times, she wondered if I was even able to read what she was saying. She kept asking if I was OK, assuring me that I could reach out to her for help.

There were more mundane messages as well. Updates about school and the Fortnite team. Silly memes. She had proudly shared how she had finally had the courage to wear underwear for a whole weekend and had managed to avoid any accidents.

And there were plenty of messages from Samantha and Desi, with similar themes to what Lisa had sent me. They'd had a couple of sleepovers without me but had all texted to let me know how much they had wished I was there.

All my fears that my friends had abandoned me. All my worries that they would hate me for how I had lashed out at them. All the concerns about how I would manage to fit back into our relationships after being gone. The worry about being judged for my condition or ridiculed for how Mom had treated me. All of that faded away.

I couldn't take my eyes off the phone. Here was incontrovertible evidence that Samantha, Desi, and Lisa were all going to be there for me.

Eventually, the tears running down my face made it impossible to clearly make out the contents of the messages I was still trying to read on my phone. Two months was too much to try to cram in all at once.

My thumb had found its way inside my mouth once again. I couldn't bring myself to let go of the comforting sensation it provided. Was I supposed to be a big girl or a baby? It was hard to know with all the other emotions surging through my head.

I close my eyes. I just needed to relax for a few seconds.

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"Time to get up, sleepyhead."