All My Mother's Rules

Chapter 41: Open Wide

"Open wide."

I obediently parted my lips as Mom returned the pacifier to my mouth the moment the front door latched shut with a metallic click. The pacifier didn't taste any better than it had this morning, and it took a conscious effort to make sure it didn't fall out of my mouth and drop to the floor. I thought about how fussy Emilia had been as a toddler when Mom had weaned her off of her pacifier. How is it that babies actually want to have this in their mouth? Of course, weaned implies a gradual process; Mom had simply decided one morning that Emilia would no longer to use a pacifier, at least during times while she was being potty trained.

I expected Mom to check my diaper now that we were home, but to my surprise, she didn't lift up my dress to inspect it, let alone give me a pat on the bottom. I'd already wet the diaper twice this morning, but even though the wetness from the diaper was making me feel that a change was needed, I remembered how these diapers would last the entire night for me, and I typically slept for around eight to nine hours. If I had this diaper on that long during the day, I wouldn't get changed until it was time to pick Emilia up later in the afternoon.

The pacifier in my mouth did serve one important purpose. It reminded me of Mom's admonishment that I wasn't supposed to be saying anything. The urge to ask what the plan was for this morning still bubbled up, and I nearly opened my mouth to ask Mom a question before I remembered that I wasn't supposed to.

"Go on over to the living room," Mom said, setting her hand firmly atop my shoulder.

That touch from Mom let me know exactly what she wanted without her needing to tell me so. My heart sank almost as quickly as my knees did as I settled down on to the floor. Mom had said I was being punished like this to make sure my sister saw that she was being consistent, but any hope that this charade would let up some while my sister wasn't around immediately faded away.

"That's right," Mom said, in the smooth, drawn-out way one would talk encouragingly to a small child. "Babies who wear diapers still have to crawl across the house. Good job."

The dress may have been a great outfit to wear on a shopping trip, but it was incredibly impractical for trying to maneuver around on the floor, as the front of the dress kept getting caught underneath my knees. When I reached the kitchen entrance – marking the halfway point of the journey – I switched positions, so I was sitting with my bottom on the floor with my dress pulled up above my waist. Yes, that meant pressing down on the wet diaper, but as uncomfortable as that was, it happened to be the best of my limited options. Scooting forward across the floor in a manner that kind of resembled a crab walk wasn't any less humiliating than crawling, but it was easier on my wrists and Mom didn't put forward any objections.

Mom stopped in the kitchen to put the few groceries and baby food away, while I finally got to the carpeted surface of the living room and switched back to crawling on my hands and knees as I made my way to the couch. However, that left me in a bit of a bind. I wasn't sure how Mom's stance against standing worked with needing to get up to get on the couch. Well, if I simply crawled up onto it, I wouldn't technically be standing, I thought, as I began to lift myself up onto the couch.

"Down," Mom said sharply with a snap of her fingers as I was halfway up.

I landed on my well-padded bottom as I dropped back down to the carpet.

"No, no, sweetie," Mom said, her tone softening as she stood way above me with a juice pouch in her hand. "Babies are better off sitting on the floor."

Mom set the apple juice pouch on the coffee table in front of the couch.

"Make sure to finish it. Babies need to have plenty to drink."

I moved toward being in front of the center of the couch, where I could sit with my legs stretched out beneath the coffee table and my back propped up against the couch. Mom had already punctured the top of the juice pouch with the little plastic straw it came with. I used the first sip as an opportunity to briefly remove the pacifier from my mouth. Why did sucking on the pacifier make me feel so thirsty?