All My Mother's Rules

Chapter 35: M.A.D.

"You knew," Samantha said, looking pointedly at me from across the aisle as I took a seat next to Desi on the bus.

"I what?"

I knew exactly what Samantha was suggesting that I knew. I just didn't need her to know that. And I certainly didn't care to acknowledge it.

The whole school must know about Lisa wearing pull-ups by now. The hallway had been crowded with onlookers yesterday afternoon when Claire had dumped the contents of Lisa's backpack onto the hallway floor to discover one of Lisa's extra pull-ups. Everyone watching the incident undoubtedly would have shared the gossip with their friends, who would then share it further. And that's how a rumor – or in this case an actual salacious fact – spreads throughout a high school in less than a single day.

This wasn't close to the most scandalous thing that a student had done this school year. It's a high school; shit happens. But it might take top prize for the strangest or weirdest. And that meant basically everyone already knew about it. And, if they didn't know about it, they would know about it by the end of the day. My anxiousness over the upcoming school day eclipsed by far anything I had felt yesterday. A class presentation seemed like amateur hour compared to this.

Samantha leaned in toward me, keeping her voice down. I hoped no one on the bus was paying close attention to our conversation. I'm sure some must have noticed how I had been hanging out with Lisa more frequently. The conclusions they might arrive at should they attempt to connect the dots would probably not be generous to me.

"You knew that Lisa wears diapers."

"Pull-ups," I said, correcting her before realizing that in doing so, I had essentially supplied an affirmative answer to her question. "That's what she had on. Not a diaper."

"Pull-ups, diapers, whatever," Samantha said. "My point was that you knew she was wearing them."

To someone who is incontinent, the distinguishment between those two particular garments is important, as Lisa had made clear to me on Saturday and as I knew full well from my own experience. To anyone not in that world, I suppose it doesn't make any lick of a difference.

"Yeah, so?

I didn't think Lisa would say anything about my pull-ups, but when each of us had been keeping the other's secret, I had felt safer knowing that she wouldn't reveal my secret as I could in turn reveal hers, and vice versa.

As soon as I had arrived home from cheerleading practice, I had constantly been turning on Fortnite on my computer. Not to play. I only went to the game's lobby and checked my friends list to see if Lisa was online too. I had even dared to turn on my computer after Emilia had begun snoring lightly after being put to bed. But each time, Lisa's account status had indicated it had been away since Sunday, and she hadn't replied to the numerous messages I had sent her way.

"How long have you known?"

I would have felt guilty gossiping about Lisa under any circumstances, but in this case, given that I was recently afflicted with the same bladder problems as her, any discussion about Lisa was going to be awkward to manage without also giving myself away. I wanted to escape Samantha's badgering questions in a way that didn't implicate the pull-up under my jeans that suddenly felt much more conspicuous. A lie is better with a little bit of truth mixed in between.

"I was at her house on Saturday. We were prepping for the presentation. I accidentally found out, and she made me promise not to say anything about it."

"Like, does she actually use them?"

What is it with people asking if someone uses a diaper or pull-up? And why in the world would you wear one in the first place if there wasn't a need to use it?