Dirty Secret

Chapter 3

I was in full blown out panic mode within seconds,trying to recollect the writings of every page. I treated the agenda like my diary most of the time, I kept track of my school and work schedule but I had also used the summer calendar to summarize my days when I was bored in the diner. I could recollect to one day in particular, August 16, I had written about an interaction between Mary and I. She'd slapped me across my face because I'd  mistaken a bag of her takeout for mine.  I ran up to my room and cried myself to sleep. I wrote that I wished it was my birthday already so I could be freed from this nightmare, and that even hell was better than here.
Surely Brett would have no interest in my agenda, I thought, it was probably six feet deep in the closest  dumpster that he could find.

I heard the ding from the door and realized that we had guests. I grabbed menus and headed for the host stand to realize that it was a group of guys from the Serenity Pack. I cleared my throat and tried to keep a poker face.
Could today get any worse?

"Hi, how can I help you?" I faked a joy in my voice that I often used with customers.

"Table for four please," one of them said. The others behind him were hitting his sides until one finally whispered in his ears.

"Is there a problem?" I asked on the way to their table.

"Yeah, um...is there someone else that can serve us?"

Here we go again. The Speech.
I took a deep breath," I'm the only waitress here today, but our cook is human, he's the only one that touches your food. I will only carry it out to your table."

They looked as if they needed to think about it and then finally," fine, I guess."

I blinked back tears as I sat them down.

Work ended at nine pm. Bob left a few minutes early and so I did the usual closing routine and began my walk home. I thought about walking up to Brett tomorrow and asking for my agenda back then I debated against it. I would much rather stop and buy a new one than to be laughed at and mocked by him.

I fell asleep as soon as I got to bed.

The next day approached even quicker. I stumbled out of bed and did the usual morning routine. Had I had my agenda, I would have marked off yet another day until I died. I looked into the mirror for a while and debated making a run for it.
Why was I bothering with school? Why was I bothering with work? I could leave now and go die on some beach somewhere instead. Why did I hold on to this hope that someone out there is going to save me? It's not going to happen, get it though your thick skull-

I realized that I was squeezing the tube of the toothpaste until all the inside had spurred out.

"Fuck!" I yelled out. I cleaned up the mess on the sink and the ground and wore yet another sweater and baggy pants then headed to school.

There were things in life that I could never let myself imagine, simply because the pain of their unlikelihood would be too hard to bear. I was many things but I refused to let myself be naive, I would not be a joke to myself for I am the only one who truly knows the value of myself.  I do not let myself imagine love, I do not let myself picture wealth or living forever, and I most definitely do not fool myself into thinking that maybe someday in some galaxy far away, Brett Serenity would be chasing down the halls calling out my name. I must have been dreaming, or I must have been sleepwalking. Call it whatever you may see fit, but I called it crazy. I ignored the first shout," Clarity!", and then I ignored the second. I walked past the lockers where the football team were, as well as their groupies of course; Jessica, Stass and whomever else was gifted genetically and with nepotism.

"Hey, Clarity!"

I would have thought to be the only one who's made up the interaction but the faces of the others surrounding Brett was the only reason I stopped to acknowledge that it might be true.

"M-me?" I mumbled out loud and he stepped out from within his circle and approached me.
"Yeah, that's your name isn't it?" he was close enough that no one else could hear him talk. I was well aware of the fact that I had stopped breathing.

Will he always have this effect on me?

"Yes, that's me," I said with a tone of passive aggression only because I had lost the natural instinct to speak with an appropriate tone.

He whipped out my agenda from where it was buried underneath the rest of his books," I think I took this by mistake yesterday."

I stared at the agenda like it grew legs. I blinked a couple times and I slowly took it from where it was balanced between his index and middle fingers. I looked up to meet his blue eyes and it felt like touching a cloud.
What if I felt this way because I have a crush on him?
Was I no different than the rest of his groupies? Was I seriously that basic?

"Thanks," I muttered and turned to walk away but he continued.

"Happy Birthday."

I scowled a little," what?"

He looked like he was at a loss for words.
"Um, Happy birthday-"

"It's not my birthday."

"Yeah, I know, but it's soon right? Or did I read that wrong-"

I was beyond furious. To know this meant that he'd gone through my agenda. My face was red with rage, to have read that far must mean that he knew everything. He had the exact formula to make the rest of my living life an unbearable hell. I struggled not to let the tears fall.

"Turn off your torches , I've still got twenty nine days,"

He was speechless when I strutted away. I could hear the others scorching him for ever speaking to me.

I skipped the first period. I could not fathom the idea of sitting next to him for an entire lesson. Instead, I marched to the scheduling office and stood in line to have my class switched so that I would not have to withstand a class with him at all. By the time I had gotten to the office, I was convinced that it all made sense. Brett had stolen my agenda on purpose and the faux display of kindness in the hall today was a threat that he knew everything and soon enough, so will the whole town. My attention was soon enough brought to the attention of the guy that was in front of me. He was shouting at the lady who looked up at him with fearful eyes. He wore a leather jacket and ripped black pants, I could see the slithers of tattoos on his neck. I recognized even from the back that it was the new guy

Dimitri? No Damon.

"You have to have something else available like social studies or hell, I'll even do another english-"

"It doesn't work that way! There are no alternatives for that class unless you want to drop it completely and do it during the summer which would mean you would not graduate on time-"

"Mr. James is a terrible teacher, can't you look again-"

"Even if I were to find something, it's too late too switch-"

He slammed his fist down on the table and the lady and I both jumped, his voice dropped to a low threat," you call us rogues, but your people are the real savages."

He marched out so fast I had to take a few steps back to avoid the impact of his anger.

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