Dirty Secret

Chapter 11

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Today was October sixth. Today was my birthday.

I hadn't planned anything special, I hadn't even planned to skip school. I rose like usual, I debated mentally if i should take a moment, perhaps a few extra minutes in the bath to ponder about what will happen once the sun goes down and the moon begins to rise.

I simply had no thoughts and so I stepped out of the shower, I shrugged on my school clothes and backpack like usual.

I paused for just a moment to grab the money- filled  sock from under my bed. I had no intention of doing anything with the money, so perhaps I could give it to someone who needed it. I took one last look at my room and headed downstairs. Thomas rested as usual, snoring obnoxiously in front of the television and Mary was nowhere to be found. I did not stop to wonder about the fact that once I head out of the door, I will never come back.

The walk to school was more silent than usual. Perhaps it was because my mind was so empty today, I hadn't thought about the chaos of my thoughts until they abandoned me. I focused on the sound of my footsteps to ease my nerves. Once I got to school, I was faced with an option. Across from class was a group of students, leading the screechy and loud conversation was Stass and Tiffany. Any second now, they would notice me and history will repeat itself as it had been everyday for the past eleven years.  I shut my eyes for just a moment. I felt a stinging pressure behind my sockets. I couldn't do this, not today. I deserved a better ending, even if I hadn't planned one out. I spun on my heels and prepared to strut the opposite direction and completely out of here. My path was blocked by yet another Serenity Pack goblin. Brett himself, who looked as if he hadn't slept in days.

"What?" I snapped, placing some distance between us. I had almost crashed into his chest and sent both our books flying once again," did you come back to insult me some more?"

"It's the sixth," he said. He was breathless, had he been running?

"Yes, I'm aware," I tried to side pass him but he blocked me again. The exit was just a few meters away, why did everything in my life have to be so difficult?

"It's your birthday," he said.

I looked up to meet his wide eyes. I was surprised that he remembered.

"Did you come to wish me happy birthday then?"

"You shouldn't be here."

"Where else would you be if you were me?"

He did not answer.

"I'm leaving anyway," I mumbled," I'm not going to spend my last day being harassed by Stass Jacobs and her prianas."

I tried to pass him again, and once again, he blocked my path.

"Stop doing that!" I snapped," I have to go."

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know, but I'm getting the fuck out of here!"

There it is. The stinging behind my sockets turned out to be tears that I might have been subconsciously stifling.

Fuck! I didn't want to cry, especially not in front of anyone that belonged to The Serenity Pack.

"Brett? What are you doing?"

One of the goblins had caught us.

This time I was able to get away from Brett who suddenly looked as if he was caught doing something he wasn't supposed to. I did not want to entertain the situation nor my tarnished feelings.

Once he was not in my way, I marched the rest of the way out and into the cold outside.

I found a bus station a little while later. The last stop on the line took me downtown where all the shops were. I decided that I would spend my money. I would indulge in a fancy meal and perhaps some desert if I had money left over. I counted the money in my pouch.

Two hundred and thirty five dollars.

The bus arrived moments later. I ditched my text books on the ground. I will not be needing them anymore. The ride was not so long, half an hour later we were downtown. I spent the next few hours window shopping. I figured there would be no point in spending my money on materials, I'd much rather eat. I had breakfast, and then lunch and dessert two times. I still had around one hundred dollars to spend and the sun would be going down in an hour or so.

Before I began my long journey to Deadman's Cave, I dropped the money into the cup of a sleeping homeless man. I heard the revving of a loud engine and flinched as a motorcycle flew past me.

The sun had just finished setting. My feet had been in soil for a while now. I was eager to strip and get them inside of the water in Deadman's Cave. I wasn't really sure how it was going to happen, or more importantly, when. It could take minutes or it could take hours. I came prepared with snacks and perhaps a will to stay strong. I breathed in at the sight of the clearing. The emerald waters shun invitingly. I hurried out of my clothes. I laid out some candy by the edge of the water and dived inside. I took these last moments to recap on my life. I realized that what I yearned for the most was an after life. A second chance where I could be given the opportunity to be someone. I had never let myself establish much of an identity, or a personality to say the least. Although I secretly hoped it would end differently, I somehow always knew that it would end like this. I let the ripples of the echoing tides halt my thoughts every time I felt as if I was shoveling too deep. After all, there was nothing left to do now. There was certainly no point in breaking down.

The tears came anyway. An hour later, when darkness had slowly begun its approach, I could not decipher if it were the fear, the dread, or the nerves that brought me over the edge. I sobbed and let the water wash away my tears, over and over again. I wished that it would happen already. Worse than the unavoidable death was the act of waiting for it.

Then came the cliche questions that I promised not to torture myself with;

Why me?

I jumped up at the sound of bushes stirring. I knew that the last thing I needed was for more students from The Serenity Pack to walk in on this very dramatic scene. I looked up at the cleaning from where I hid behind a boulder and froze.

It was Brett Serenity.