Dirty Secret

Chapter 22

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It's been three days since I had last seen Brett and even more since I'd seen Jeremy. A part of me was furious that he had the courage to burst back into my life and act like he was saving me, only to disappear without a word or a trace. I knew he would come back but still, at the very least I deserved a text or a phone call.

After I had shifted in the hallways at school, I knew I could not go back to witness them together. The pain was indescribable, it felt like an infection that leaked into my bloodstream from my own wolf, I could not ease the mourning nor the heartbreak. I had never realized how much I wanted Brett until I could no longer have him. I hadn't been able to shift back for over twelve hours. Eventually, I passed out from hunger and exhaustion, and when I woke up, the moon had risen and I hauled myself home.  Tomorrow was the beginning of the weekend. I wondered if Monday I'd be ready to go back to school. I wondered if I could somehow talk the teachers into letting me study from home for just a little while, until the weight of my miserable wolf did not crush me.

"Hello? I need a refill..."

I jumped up, realizing for the first time in  a while that I was still at work and I had clients to serve. The table by my right hosted my only two guests.

"What?"

"Jesus, I said it like three times."

"She's not even listening..."

"I said REFILL"

"Oh, yes," I mumbled and hurried to where they were," er, of the water or the coke?"

"Of course the water, my coke isn't even empty-"

I grabbed the empty glass of water and hurried to the back. 

Loud droplets of rain thudded harshly outside. I was nervous to walk home. Part of me was still traumatized from the dead man in Byward Alley. In the past few weeks, my life has changed too quickly and too drastically. I still was unsure whether it was for the best or for the worst. I closed the store and gazed at the moon for just a moment. I took a deep breath and emerged into the rainfall night. I was too occupied with my thoughts to even notice how soaked my hair and clothes were becoming.  Like the cliche of a deja vu, lights of a slowing car behind me caught my attention. I didn't have to turn around to sense him, I could feel when he was near. Brett's car slowed to match my strides. I did not stop nor look at him. He rolled the window down," come on, get in."

I would have scoffed but I did not want to give him the satisfaction of reacting and so I kept walking.

"Hey! It's gonna rain even harder in a minute."

I planned to take a turn onto the next alley to further avoid him. It would lengthen my walk home but at least he could not follow me-

"Clarity!"

I flinched. I did not want to, but my legs were fighting against my wolf that begged me to hear him out. The mention of my name made me close to powerless.

"This is getting ridiculous! Get in the fucking car."

No.

The rain really did start pouring down even harder but I would have rathered the terror of a storm over being in a car with him.

I heard his frustrated shouts and I had to admit that for just a second, it felt good to anger him. Eventually, I heard the engine of his car disappear and I was left alone again. I hurried down the alley because I was terrified. Jeremy had disappeared, I wasn't so certain that he'd be around to save me again if something were to happen. I reached the end of the alley to the dimly lit street and there wasn't one car around. I let out a breath of relief to discover that Brett had not followed me. Just as I took my first steps to cross the streets, a palm slapped across my mouth, muffing my otherwise bloodcurdling scream. Brett tossed me up against the wet brick wall and stared at me with the wide eyes of a crazy man.

"You think it's funny to ignore me like that?" he demanded," and go into that alley all on your own huh?"

I bit his palms and he hissed and released his grip on my mouth although his other grip on my waist remained hostling.

"I'd rather get struck by lightning than to go with you," I spat.

"Be careful what you wish for, it'll be a long walk home if I leave you now-"

"Then leave! Get the hell out of here! Do you think I want you here, you coward!"

He slammed my waist harder against the brick behind me," you know it can never work out. I had no choice-"

"Then why the hell are you following me?"

"You're a rogue," his wavy hair was now soaked and stuck to his face," my alpha blood goes back generations, I'd be shunned, I'd be turned away, or maybe even killed."

I stayed silent. I was afraid that if I opened my mouth I'd start to cry. Brett didn't know that my knees were growing weaker and that his hands on my stomach was the only reason I was still standing.
The truth is, as painful as it was to admit it, I understood his perspective completely.

"We could have run away," I only whispered as the rain droplets masked the tears that ran down my face.

"I thought about that," he said and I was shocked that he had even thought about that at all," but it could never work. We would never be happy."

"How do you know that?" 

He just stared at me. Eventually, we lost against the battle of resistance and kissed and for a moment, the rain was pleasant and the murky haunting skies felt like the peaceful bliss of a ray of sunshine. I wished that we could stay this way forever, entrapped in each other's grasps, connected on the deepest level of all, soul to soul, body and mind and wolf to wolf.

He pulled away and mumbled against my mouth," I should have let you die."

Yes, you should have. Surely, it would have been much less painful.