Collide ♔ Tom Kaulitz

c h a p t e r ♕ t w e n t y - t w o

Minutes seemed to drag with out Tom in my life. It had only been three days but i felt as if i could suffocate at any given moment.

I could feel his absence so deeply in my core. It hurt when i slept. It hurt when i ate. It hurt to simply even exist with out him.

"Are you okay?" Leo asked me as he sat across from me at the dinner table.

I nodded slowly, not taking my sunken in eyes off of his. I took one more spoonful of my lentil soup and excused myself from the dining room.

My body fought intensely to just simply get up the marble staircase. I could feel the burn of Tony's stare on my back. I know he wonders what is going on with me, I can see it is his eyes. I can basically feel the questions wishing to fall off his tongue.

Instead of heading to my room, i keep going and make my way to my bathroom. I turn the water of the shower on as hot as my body can stand it.

I stare at myself in the mirror hoping something would take me away from the sensation of longing for him.

I climb in the shower and sit down on the tiled floor. Snugly pulling my knees up to my chest, i let the water pour down my head.

My mind flashed of beautiful memories of him. I loved how delicately he touched me. I loved how he smoothed down the sides of my hair. I loved they way his eyes would shine just looking at me.

I miss him.

After what feels like just a few minutes, my sister knocks on the door. My eyes adjust to the room once more. I look down realizing my fingers and toes had completely pruned up.

Guess i had been in here longer than i thought. I crawl out of the shower, drying myself off with the first towel i see.

I stole a glance in the mirror once more. A pitiful sight stared back at me. I hate what i've become with out him.

I pull on some pajamas and walk past my sister to my room. I hear footsteps creaking on the wooden floor behind me. I shut the door quickly hoping she doesn't try to follow me any longer.

I sigh as i lean my forehead and against my bedroom door. I close my eyes, allowing myself to become engulfed by my loneliness.

I had been alone my entire life, why was now any different?

I had a taste of him and i never wanted to be with out it again.

I turned around to my empty bedroom, hoping i would find him lurking around my room as i did the other night. My heart sinks in my chest as i am all alone.

I feel the stinging of tears in my eyes as i walk over to my bed. My hand reaches to pull the covers back as i spy my well loved copy of Pride and Prejudice on my nightstand.

'My real purpose was to see you, and to judge, if I could, whether I might ever hope to make you love me.' I recall him quoting my favorite book.

I wish so desperately that just for one moment my life may be like a Jane Austen novel.

But no. I live in reality. My name isn't Elizabeth Bennet. And i would never find a love as earth shattering as Elizabeth and Darcy's.

"You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever." The words of Jane over take my mind.

I can no longer let this moment and these feelings slip away.

I need him.

I rise from my bed, snatching the light pink jacket off the back of my vanity chair. I slip my feet into my fuzzy gray slippers and run to my window.