Like Night and Day

Catastrophic Blues (Final)

Like Night and Day 51 (Final) : Catastrophic Blues

「 ✦ Song: "The 1" by Taylor Swift✦ 」

The regional basketball game ended in ruptured cheers. Their school had won and all of the students who sat closer to the edge of the court rushed to the center to celebrate with the team members, but Baekhyun chose to quietly make his way down the stairs, hoping to slip past without notice. However, unlike in the past, he didn't leave and simply waited for Chanyeol outside the exit doors–just as he had promised.

As people began to exit the gymnasium, many of them passed by Baekhyun in groups as he stood in the corner by himself. A part of him felt envious of those who had others to be with at such a time. Excluded and invisible, just as he had always wanted–but maybe that was a lie in and of itself. Baekhyun pursed his lips, forcing himself to look away and stare off into the sky.

The sound of people began to fade as he fell into thought with himself. He was only eighteen, and yet the weight of the world already felt like a burden on his shoulders that he was struggling to uphold. The vastness of the sky reminded him how small his existence was in comparison to the universe. Everything he struggled with seemed so minuscule and unimportant in the grand scheme of everything that his life was meant to be. And yet, there was a mental barrier, keeping him stuck.

Of all the people in the world, Park Chanyeol was the only one who saw him. Whether Baekhyun was invisible or just another face in the crowd, Chanyeol always knew where to find him. Like all the stars in the sky, Baekhyun was Park Chanyeol's guiding light–his Polaris.

However, repeated acts of kindness and forgiveness repaid a thousand times over with tears and harsh words that drowned in a sea of regret... Baekhyun could only stay silent. How many times had he felt so undeserving, desperate for validation that he was never worth the trouble, and for all of it to crumble at his feet every time Chanyeol appeared, willing to talk things over and move past it all. No matter how far he went, Chanyeol seemingly followed–as friends, as lovers, as exes, and as...

Baekhyun sighed. It didn't take much of a genius to understand the complexities of emotions behind Chanyeol's eyes. In another universe, maybe they were back together and happier than ever. In truth, Chanyeol wasn't the only one pining for that alternative possibility, but Baekhyun knew it all better than anything in the world that he simply wasn't ready for that outcome.

Chanyeol could love and accept him just as he was in that very moment, but it would never change the fact that Baekhyun was unhappy with himself. He was fully intent on pushing everyone away simply on the self-destructive belief that he deserves no one but his miserable self–even if he didn't mean to think this way. Having felt stuck in the same place with the same sense of self for so long, there was only one thing that Baekhyun wanted to do in the world and that was to run.

Run and never look back. Not to leave the people he loved behind, but to run away from himself and lose parts of his own shadow that he never liked. The world was too big and unknown to never experience at all, and the small town they lived in had always felt too suffocating. Baekhyun had struggled with the desire to simply disappear and hit the reset button on his life once graduation came and went, but the thought of leaving Chanyeol in the past in exchange for a future so unknown was always...

So selfishly unthinkable.

It was clear to everybody that Park Chanyeol was still in love with Byun Baekhyun...and it was clear to Chanyeol what Baekhyun could only say through passing glances and unspoken truths. But he loved him enough to respect the fact that they were simply friends at the moment.