Like Night and Day

Letters For Him

**I'm so sorry. Please read my important note on the previous chapter if you're confused OTL ***

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Kyungsoo watched with hooded eyes as the lean athlete arrived only to immediately grab the brunet into a tight and lock embrace, his fear of loss evident in his actions. He said nothing about the way Baekhyun wordlessly wrapped his arms around the male's waist, accepting his comfort and the feeling of security given by his arms. His existence turned blatantly insignificant the moment the two reunited, and it burned.

Always the spectator. Always the odd figure.

He didn't know whether watching disgusted him. The twitching of his hand when his eyes saw the way Chanyeol locked his fingers with the brunet's was a frightening wake up moment like a subconscious reminder of the absence of a hand interlocked with his own. His eyes, however, wouldn't follow the orders running through his head and continued watching.

Maybe he was in awe, but it wasn't in a fit of bitter jealousy. It invoked a craving.

Closing his hand into a ball of fist, Kyungsoo tried to reject the thought, attempting to convince himself that he craved nothing. Whether that was a craving for someone's warmth in his own hand or the type of unconditional embrace Baekhyun had been graced with, Kyungsoo refused it all. He didn't want it. It was a fool's cure to loneliness, and if paired with the belief that love was beautiful and forever, then it was lethal.

He lived in a fool's world where dreams were only dreams, and he saw with eyes that only saw reality. He understood that love would bring nothing except empty beds, signed papers, and cold hearts by the end of its life. And he didn't want that. Rejection was the only solution.

Love was patient. Love was kind. But love was stupid, temporary, and painful. Why Baekhyun would subject himself to a world where hurt and pain were possible, Kyungsoo couldn't understand. It was far beyond his understanding as to what kind of madness would bring on such courage for a risk far too great to even be logical.

Then, he realized it wasn't in his place.

The whispers weren't for him. The thumb reaching for lips to graze wasn't looking for his. Kyungsoo watched as the caresses took place, and was shaken.

He had done the exact same things. He had kissed Baekhyun's lips, touched his face, hummed him hymns... All the privileges that were Park Chanyeol's to have. But though it was dark and the sky above was that of a moon in its phase of fading, he could see the difference in Baekhyun's eyes.

The way Baekhyun looked at him the moment the shed door was pushed aside was stale and gray compared to the second he saw the athlete running across the field. The way they talked to each other was completely neutral to the way Baekhyun's voice cracked and croaked when he spoke on the phone with the only person he truly felt safe with.

Swallowing, Kyungsoo touched his throat. It was dry, but he had no intention of leaving for a sip at the fountain. He wanted to go home and reevaluate before cutting off from the world. It was then that he finally drew his eyes down. He was resigned like an animal that had accepted it death in the jaws of its killer.

Good-bye was a formality Kyungsoo was far too familiar with, but to disturb the two would've forced them to acknowledge his existence. And he wasn't petty.

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Baekhyun's room was cold, but much better, in his opinion, in comparison to the shed. He made a quiet joke about the matter, though he wasn't surprised when Chanyeol threw him a look of displeasure as he closed the door behind him.