I'm not on EITHER side

"I won't forgive you. But my hate is holding me back."

Izuku POV

I take a deep breath before the doors to the elevator open. I open my eyes and walk out to the common room. I sent Ochaco down before I went downstairs to see if she can calm everyone and have them sit on the couch. I waited upstairs and sat at my desk, doing a meditation technique I learned back when I was in the League. I just haven't had time to sit and use it recently. Yagi wants me to help him find a new candidate for One for All. Once we find that person, we need to train them. I have to finish setting up all of Eri's furniture and clothing. I haven't had the time to get Magni trained to be a therapy animal for me or Eri.

Most of all, I haven't seen Bakugo around in a bit. I don't know why that's bothering me. Every time I do see him, he's quiet and brooding. It's almost uncharacteristic of him. I want to talk to him, but I don't know if I'm ready. I don't even know what to say.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts by my name being called. I look over at the couch and see everyone staring at me with badly veiled concern. I walk over to the kitchen and grab a glass of water before saying anything. It's going to be a long explanation, and I don't want to have to get up later. I put a few ice cubes into the glass and walk back to the living room. I sit in one of the chairs located diagonally to the couch and set my glass on the table in front of me.

"Hi guys. Sorry I didn't say anything earlier, I just needed some time to see Eri and Ochaco. I've also had a lot on my mind that I needed to sort through." They all wait for me to say something. "I guess you want to know why I did what I did. Ochaco and Eri were in trouble. I panicked. I don't like to admit it, but there's still that part of me that doesn't trust the heroes to get the work done efficiently and quickly. I still think I need to do it myself."

I feel guilty just admitting it. They deserve a better friend. Someone who trusts them. That's not me. I trust some of them, but not nearly enough to warrant my place as a hero. They deserve a friend who's willing to listen and follow orders, not run off half-cocked and be aggressive.

"We get it. When Bakugo was kidnapped, we all wanted to help. That's why so many of us jumped at the opportunity to help you, even though we didn't know it was you. We thought the pros weren't doing anything." I look over at Yaoyorozu and see that she's being genuine. "I went to make sure no one got hurt, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little upset that we had been in the dark about everything."

I hear the other three who went with hum in agreement and see some of the ones who didn't nod. "That doesn't excuse it, though. I shouldn't have run out. I should've trusted the pros. I didn't and I got hurt. I got way too hurt. I have permanent hearing loss in my one ear. I need to make a hearing aid for myself. I was unhinged and stupid."

No one says anything. I take a few deep breaths. I clearly working myself up. "I appreciate all of you guys being my friends, but you really deserve a better friend than me. I don't ask for your help or advice or anything nearly enough as I should. Hell, I don't trust you guys as much as a real friend should."

"Trust is hard to earn. And asking for help is harder. But admitting that you need help realizing you don't do that stuff is manly!" I look up and see Kirishima giving me a toothy grin. I can't help but laugh. He starts laughing a bit after me. Everyone else catches on, and I feel better about myself.

We continue to talk for an hour, sometimes serious, sometimes not. I ended up learning a lot about my teammates. Them letting me know more about themselves makes me feel like they trust me, and it makes me trust them more. I let a few things about my life before vigilantism spill. I tell them about my habit for making notebooks, and a few ask me to help them come up with new moves and practical applications with their quirks, and I almost freak out in excitement.

After a while, everything dies down and everyone goes upstairs. I stay downstairs alone, allowing myself to relax a bit. I hear footsteps coming down the stairs and ignore it. They start to get closer, until I hear someone sit across from me. I open my eyes and meet bright red ones, but they've lost their usual fire and anger.

"I heard you talked to everyone about life before. You didn't mention me. Thanks."

I bite back a nasty response, and just nod. He continues to look at me. I won't back down and look away. After a few minutes of us sitting there silently, he sighs and stands up. I hear him start walking towards the stairs, and I decide this is the time.

"Wait." He stops walking and then turns back. "I want to talk to you." He stands silently for a second before walking back over to me. "Outside. Some fresh air would be nice." He just grunts and walks towards the door but waits for me. I stand up, stretch, and then walk over to the front door. We walk out and take a small walk for a little over fifteen minutes.

We reach one of the cities for training and decide to walk in. "I've been thinking about what I want to say to you for a while. You ruined my life. Made it a living hell. I always just wanted to be your friend. But you just saw me as what? A challenger to your powers? Just some dumb kid? I don't know, and I don't want to. And I don't want you to speak until I'm done.

"I looked up to you, you know. I always thought that you and I were gonna open our own hero agency together. But you just kept hitting me, and burning me, and bullying me. All because I stood up for some kid you did it to instead of me. And you wanna know the worst part? I didn't care that it was me getting beat up. I was just glad it wasn't someone else."

I take a deep breath and stop walking. Bakugo stops a second after I do. He turns and looks at me. "I don't like you. And I don't know if I ever will. I won't forgive you. But my hate is holding me back. If I keep letting it get to me, I know that I won't ever work with you. That'll just get in my way. So, I'll try and work with you, and maybe we'll even be friends again. But that doesn't mean that I'll ever forgive you. That will stick with both of us for the rest of our lives."

He stares at me silently before nodding. I stick out my right hand and wait for him to accept. He looks at the hand, then at me, and finally at his own. He stares intently at his hand for a second before looking me in the eyes and shaking my hand. We shake hands twice before letting go. "Don't think this means I'll go easy on you, nerd."

"If you did, I'd take it as an insult, you ass." He smiles and I do too. We walk the rest of the way back in silence. But this time, it's comfortable. Not tense.

Word Count: 1321

Thanks for reading this chapter! I hope you guys enjoyed it! It was nice to write it, if I'm being honest. I still wanna know whether you guys want to see Toga join our main couple. If not, just let me know. If so, let me know. I'm 50/50 on it. Anyways, thanks again. Have a good day and remember to drink some water.