Under Your Spell | A Mafia romance

Chapter XXV

Delilah

The anxiety was overwhelming; my life was a mess, my mind was a mess, my feelings were a mess. Oh! I've never been an anxious and nervous person; I like to maintain serenity and peace. I learned in the convent not to allow myself to suffer and always clung to prayers to get through any turbulence. However, nothing prepared me for what lay ahead. God, I will meet my father, my father. I was in the car on my way to meet him.

Yes, the DNA test confirmed that one of the men Mattia captured was indeed my biological father. I even had his report in my hands. I had looked at the attached photo countless times; I wanted to feel anger, contempt, disgust. But I couldn't, I just couldn't. The only feeling that emerged within me was forgiveness. Yes, I am ready to forgive him, to listen to him, even if there is rejection on his part. In fact, I expect that; I don't want to meet him for him to acknowledge me. He was never a father to me and never will be. However, to move on with my life, I need to look into his eyes and show that his actions destroyed lives. I owe that to my mother; I'm sure she would do the same. I am even more certain that she would forgive him, just like Sister Lizzie.

I turned the page of the report and contemplated the photo of his family; I have siblings, a brother, and two sisters. I smiled sadly; I can't explain the sensation I'm feeling, but it's as if I found myself, as if I truly belonged to this world. I have an origin, even if it happened the way it did; I have an origin.

Mattia was by my side, with a serious, enigmatic expression. I couldn't decipher his feelings, what was going on in his head. He didn't sleep in our room last night; it was the first time we slept separately since we got married. At breakfast, he didn't say much either. I had never seen him like this, he was always with his irony and arrogance, but this time he seemed closed off in his world. His attitude made my soul cry; I wanted to harden my heart, but I couldn't. At that moment, I just wanted to comfort him and tell him that everything is okay.

I understood when he said he loved me; he always says those words in Italian when he's climaxing. I don't understand his language, but after hearing him say the same things so many times, I knew they were words of love. However, he only says it when we're intimate, at no other time. So, I think he's just saying it without meaning it, just for pleasure; it's lust only, nothing to do with love.

On the other hand, he gave me the chance to leave. I still can't believe he'll actually do what he said; honestly, I don't know. But based on his attitude in the last few hours, I think he wasn't bluffing. However, this doesn't make me happy; I wanted to feel joyful and jubilant, but no, I feel anguish, fear, and uncertainty.

And me, do I want to go? I've been asking myself that since yesterday; in fact, I didn't sleep well, rolled in bed all night thinking about life, about my decisions. I need him to really show that I have a choice. My soul and body were in conflict. The body wants to stay, but the soul wants to be free. But what freedom? I ask myself, and I answer myself: the freedom to make my own choices, even if that choice is not to be free.

I turned my face slightly to the window and blinked several times to avoid crying. I swore to myself that I wouldn't do that; I need to be strong, I need to be strong...

The car stopped in front of a building that looked like a warehouse. I looked at Mattia; he had sunglasses on, so I couldn't see his eyes, but his mouth indicated that he was upset.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Delilah?"

"Yes, I am."

"Very well! If that's what you want."

The car doors opened, and we got out. I noticed the security guards around us; there were many, in fact I noticed that everytime Mattia is around the number of them always increases, but now, now they are even more. Mattia held my elbow and led me into the building. We climbed a small staircase; the place was large with several divisions with doors. Mattia took me to one of them and made me stop.