Under Your Spell | A Mafia romance

Epilogue

Five years later

Delilah

Calm silence, sweet silence. I adjust the veil on my head, kneeling on the cushioned bench in front of the altar of the small chapel I asked Mattia to built in the mansion. I gaze at the open tabernacle where the monstrance of the Blessed Sacrament rests. Taking the rosary, I close my eyes and begin my prayers. Every day at this same hour, I come to the chapel and spend an hour chatting with God. He is my listener, my advisor, and my friend. Everything within me is shared with him, and he always shows me a path, a direction. Today, I want to lay bare and take stock of the last five years of my life. Prepare your ears, Lord.

Speaking with God

Lord, my life has taken a 360-degree turn. From an orphan and a prospective nun to a woman with a husband and children. Today marks our 5th wedding anniversary, five long years where I've learned many things about my husband. He's not perfect, far from it, but with each passing year, I love him more and more, and this love is mutual. Mattia shows how much he loves me every day with words, gestures, and actions. Not to mention what an incredible father he is to our children, Enrico and Alisha, our little princess. He's crazy about her; I've never seen a father so doting.

The children are growing up happy and healthy, and I am very grateful for the beautiful family that you have given me. Enrico, at 11 years old, so much like his father in many ways, will begin his training to become a mafioso. My heart is bleeding, Lord, I knew this day would come, but I'm not ready. I tried to persuade Mattia not to subject him to this at such a young age, but you know the husband I have; as I always talk about him, he's adamant, and we even argue about it. I'm sad, but I still hope that Enrico doesn't lose his humanity entirely because innocence no longer exists. He's always been cunning and very clever for his age, and as he grows, he becomes even more so. However, he's a wonderful boy, very affectionate and protective of me and his sister. Also, a bit jealous, like his father, but I overlook it; he's just a child to me.

Today, Alisha fell while playing in the garden, and Enrico quickly picked her up and took care of her. He insisted. I find it magnificent, the tenderness he shows her. Sometimes he says things that frighten me, like wanting to harm any boy who approaches her. I was distressed; Mattia says these things to me too. He's extremely possessive and jealous, and sometimes I feel suffocated. Alisha is still a 4-year-old child, unlike Enrico at the same age; she's not cunning. I am protecting her from this world, showing and telling her about heavenly things, just as I did with Enrico. However, with him, Mattia would refute everything I had taught him, with his arguments about the conduct of a true mafioso. Yet with Alisha, he doesn't care. In this mafia world, boys' responsibilities are much greater than girls', as it's the boys who inherit the title of Don, and for Enrico, this is more demanded because he's the first in line for succession, even if Mattia and I had a boy, he would still be next in line to lead the family.

You know, God, I'm not in the habit of complaining; I have a beautiful family with the man I love. But sometimes, I feel like a prisoner, no, actually, I am a prisoner of my own husband. I know he's the man of my life, and everything that happened had a purpose, and I'm not lamenting or regretting the decision I made; I did it with full awareness of everything. However, Mattia, despite being an excellent husband, doesn't give me any leeway, not even to study, to take a simple course in anything. He doesn't even let me broach the subject; he cuts me off at the first words and becomes adamant. According to him, I don't need to take any courses, and he always showers me with expensive gifts as if that could replace my thirst for knowledge.

It's very difficult for me to assert myself; I was raised in a convent where I was taught to obey, and that's it. Besides, You know what Mattia is like: intolerant, arrogant, and always has to have the final word. I confess I'm a little afraid of him, especially because of his potential for violence. I see how hard he tries to control himself on the rare occasions when he's confronted with something. Ah! But You already know all this because every day I thank You for Mattia never laying a finger on me again, in these five years, not once has he touched me, not even with a finger; yes, he's forceful with his words, but never physically violent, except when he wants sex, he never let's go off me without getting it, and can never respect my boundaries on it.