Our Lies

Chapter 32

"Jean!!" Amaria hurriedly went outside to go after him. "Jean! Wait!" She called. Her heart was beating fast. It felt so strange – it was as if her feet just moved on their own. She did not understand why. When she finally caught up with him, she pulled his shirt.

"Jean!!"

The man looked surprised. He did not expect Amaria to follow him out. "Amaria?"

Amaria pushed a bag to him, the paper bag he had brought to the shop.

"Uh... right." He muttered absentmindedly. It seemed to Amaria that the man himself was not all there.

"Are you... okay? Are you sick?" Amaria asked.

Jean looked at her. "No..."

"You don't look well. Do you need to see a doctor? Should I call Mr. Egbert?"

"NO!" Jean shouted. His loud cry attracted the attention of people around them. They started to notice the two. He looked at the bag he was holding and drew a deep breath. "Sorry, I shouldn't have done this."

Amaria saw the top part of the paper bag was already half destroyed by Jean's tight grip.

"I have to go now. You go home safely." Jean turned and trashed the bag into a nearby garbage bin before walking away.

Somewhere in her mind thought she could not leave him alone. She picked up the dumped bag and followed him. "Where are you going?"

Jean did not appear to hear her voice among the Sunday crowd. Amaria picked up her pace but soon could not catch up with his long stride. She collided with someone who came from the other direction, sweeping her to the road side. One of her heels got caught by a raised block and she lost her balance, falling down to the hard surface. A series of anxious oooh and aahh gathered around her.

"Are you okay?" A woman asked out of concern.

Amaria did not answer. Her eyes were looking for the figure she had lost. "Jean... JEAN!!" She cried. But the man was nowhere to be found. Tears trickling down her face. The crowd stood by murmuring, unsure what to do with the crying girl.

"Amaria!"

Amaria looked up and saw a figure running back to her.

"What happened? I heard you called..." He bent down to check on her. "Did you fall down? Did you hurt yourself? I told you not to wear this kind of shoes. Let me see."

Amaria smacked his hand and cried. "Why are you blaming my shoes?! I told you to wait for me!!"

Jean felt a sharp pain in his heart. It was his fault. The fact that she was crying because her legs were hurting. Everything was his fault. His eyes caught the almost destroyed paper bag she was holding. He laughed at himself. He received one phone call from her in years and he dared to think she had forgiven him. After all the cruel things he had done, how did he even have the nerve to get close to her again? To hope that she still cared about him.

"I am sorry..." He sank down and lowered his head. "I am really sorry, Amaria..."

"Why..."

Curious passers-by threw glances at them as they walked past.

"Jean??" Amaria shook his shoulders.

Jean did not answer. He just sat there keeping his head down and cried silently.

"Are you feeling better now?" Amaria brought Jean a glass of water.

He nodded and drank the water. The two went quiet for a while. After years of silence between them, they did not know how and where they should begin. They were now in the same hotel where she once dragged him to when he fell down into the pond. It was probably not the best place to talk but it was the only place where they could be together without being disturbed at the moment. Amaria had offered calling his sister or her boss but Jean had flatly refused.

"You hurt yourself." Jean muttered when he saw dried blood marks on her knees.

"Only a little scratch. Nothing serious."

"Have you treated them? They should have first aid kit somewhere..." He got up from the bed but Amaria held him down.

"I am okay. Just lie down..."

"I am not a sick person. You are the one who got hurt! You fell down because of me! If only I didn't leave... If only I didn't go to see you today... No... if only you never met me..." Jan rambled on.

"JEAN!" Amaria held his face. "Calm down!" She could see the fear in his eyes.

"But..."

"It's my own fault for wearing this kind of shoes." She shook her head. "Can we not talk about this anymore?"

"NO!!" He grabbed her arms. "It's not your fault!! It's mine!!"

"Jean, listen..." She tried to calm him down.

He shook his head. "No. You could have walked confidently with any shoes you like, and be a dancer as you had always dreamt of, but because of me..."

"We all know it's an accident."

"BUT I WAS THE ONE WHO DESTROYED EVERYTHING!! I..."

Amaria pulled him into her arms and embraced him tightly. "You did not."

Jean tried to pull away. "YOU DON'T KNOW...! You don't..."

"SShhh." Amaria leaned on his shoulder and patted his back gently. "I know, Jean. I know everything."

He stared at her.

Amaria closed her eyes and smiled. "I know everything, since the beginning."