Stars and snow

Hospital

POV: Grusha

I ran down the hallway, nurses chasing after me. Atlas and I were found two days ago, those two days I was unconscious, and apparently Atlas had to go into surgery.

The door flew open, and I was met with an unconscious boy, tubes, cables and everything that I didn't know the names of, were over his body, feeding him, giving him more blood, measuring his heart rate and breathing. And of course the life support.

Unwillingly, tears streamed down my face, watching as Atlas' chest rose and fell, but I knew he wasn't doing it himself, the machines were. His body was so weak he couldn't move anything anymore, not even his heart or lungs. 

Behind me the nurses were scolding me for running off like that, I had to rest because of my head wound, the same wound that caused Atlas to end up like this. He was dying and it was my stupidity to blame, if I didn't trip, he would've been fine.

My hand covered my mouth, trying to keep in ugly sobs, but it was to no avail, as I sobbed my eyes and heart out, my mind stuck on the thought that I was the reason Atlas was dying, or let's just say, dead if it weren't for todays technology. 

A gentle hand rubbed my shoulder, and when I turned to look at them, it was Luna, with a mixture of fear and upset in her puffy eyes. I never would've thought Luna could cry, she seemed too tough to do that, but her brother dying was enough to bring it out of her, as I watched a tear stream down her face.

Behind her were Sol and Rika, together with Atlas' parents and my dad. They all looked at me with worry, but I didn't deserve their sympathy, I was the one that nearly killed Atlas, it was my fault and my fault only. 

Most of this week was spend with me sitting next to Atlas, holding him numb hand, squeezing it every once in a while. My head was hurting from how many times I cried, my eyes red and puffy from it all. 

I wanted to break down, I wanted to scream and cry.. I want Atlas to be able to hug me right now, but he couldn't.

What the nurses said last night has haunted me for hours. If Atlas doesn't wake up today, they're planning to pull the plug. 

Just the thought was enough to make a sob escape. Atlas was one of the last people I wanted to lose, this was my greatest fear, Atlas ending up dead or in a hospital because he needed to protect me, and now he was trying both. 

And I've never told him how I felt for him. Maybe that hurts the most, that I would never know what he thinks of it. Would he be disgusted? Mad? Disappointed?

Tears started running down my cheeks again, while I was staring at the floor.