Stars and snow

Traumatising

POV: Atlas 

Day 1

I didn't know what to do. What to feel.

My eyes stared at the screen at the front of the classroom, our teacher explaining everything, but I listened to nothing. I was still thinking back to yesterday, when they found Grusha.. when I found Grusha.

My mind was still replaying the scene in my head, constantly if I didn't have anything else to do, which happened too often after everything.

The police pulled me back, my eyes locked in horror at the scene of my boyfriend. My body was trembling, but not of the cold snow I had sat on. After what felt like hours, my mind had processed it all, and the shock made way for pain, misery and worry.

'Grusha', I whispered out, trying to move towards him, but the police man had a good grip on my arms.

And then.. it snapped. I still don't know what, but I know that I've never reacted like this, ever in my life.

'GRUSHA!'

The scream was painful and raw of emotions, tears running down my face in streams. I've lost count of how many times I yelled out to him, until my throat was burning and every breath felt like sandpaper scraping it.

'-las! Atlas!', my teacher half screamed, with the entire class staring at me.

I looked up at her, wiping away a single tear from my eye. 'Y-yes ma'am.?'

'Can you..' she thought for a bit. She probably wanted me to solve the problem on the board, but seeing me in this state, she changed her question. 'Can you stay after class?'

'What's going on, Atlas? You're never like this'

'Like what.?'

'Distant, somewhere else with your mind, so far away that I can't even get you back easily'

'I-it's nothing, j-just something I-I can handle alone..', I mumbled, looking away from her with tears pricking in my eyes.

'Atlas..' she sighed, 'I know you want to be independent, especially trying to with your family, but does anyone know what's going on?'

'Y-yes.. his d-dad knows..'

'So, somethings going on with someone. Is it the guy on your lock screen?'

I shyly nodded, holding back tears.

'Please, just tell me what's going on..' she said kindly, 'holding back pain will only make it worse'

Tears poured down my face, faster than I could stop them. 'H-he got in an a-acci-', I let out a gasp for air, 'a-an a-accident'

Day 7

I slowly opened the door to his room.

The casts on his arm and legs looking heavy, the bandaged covering his face making it impossible to see his natural beauty. 

My grip on the flowers became tighter.

'Hey darling', I said softly, despite knowing he can't hear me, and that he won't reply, 'I brought flowers,' placing said flowers in the vase next to his bed on the nightstand, 'because today is a special day, remember?' 

No reply.

'It's your birthday, dummy', I mumbled, kissing his not bandaged cheek. 

The door behind me creaked open. I didn't have to look back to know who it was. At least, that's what I thought.

'Atlas.?'

My head snapped back, staring at the woman in front of me.

'The fuck do you want?!', I yelled at her.

Liose turned her head away slightly, scared to look me in the eyes.

Day 18

Liose was sitting next to Grusha's bed when I walked into the room.

I sighed when I saw her. She may have apologised for everything she did, but I'll never forgive her, not until she is forgiven by Grusha. 

'Atlas..', she tried to reason.

'Please.. just tell me when you leave.. I have too much shit going on right now to fight'

She didn't seem to like that answer. 'Well I'm going through a lot too, you know! That's my daughter halfway to death in that bed'

'How many fucking times do I have to tell you he's your son!', I shouted in her face.

'I don't give a fuck! You keep insisting that you're going through the worst part, not considering others! You-'

'I am going through the worst part,' I interrupted her, 'I have to watch as my boyfriend is dying in a bed, I have to process the trauma of finding him that night, all while being in medical school!'

She seemed taken aback with everything I said. With her sudden reappearance, she knew nothing about us dating, or that I was the first to find Grusha. 'I'm s-'

'Shut it! I don't need your apologies, just get the fuck out of my face!'

She opened her mouth to reply, but closed it and walked out of the room without another word.

'Wow.. what's going on here?', Grusha's dad said, watching his ex-wife storm away.

'I had to put her back in her place', I snarled.

I sat down on the ground next to Grusha's bed, softly holding his hand and resting my head on the side of the bed.

Henry took a look at me, or more specifically, the bags under my eyes. 'Have some rest, it looks like you need it'

I looked back at him. Ever since the accident, I barely have been able to catch sleep. Maybe 2 hours each night, before the nightmares would kick in. 'I.. no, I need to be there for him. Just like he was for me'

'Kid, I know you love him, I really do, but this isn't healthy'

He patted on the couch next to him. Despite my ignorance, he always looked out for me. He forced me to call my parents and tell them everything, and now he was forcing me to try and pick up my old lifestyle. With a sigh I sat against him, falling asleep within seconds.

Day 27

I was sitting in class, staring at the worksheet. Ms. Hiller told my other teachers that a lot was going on in my life at the moment, and luckily they all picked up on my new needs, like less work, leaving earlier to spend more time with Grusha, ect.

Until my phone started ringing.

I swiftly grabbed it out of my bag, seeing Henry was calling me. But he never called me before.

After getting permission from my teacher to pick up, his voice was in distress.

'Atlas, can you come right now?'

'Sure, why?'

'His.. his heart stopped for a moment'

It hit me harder than I thought it would. He is fine, just something that happens sometimes, I tried to tell myself, while my legs gave up on me.

Day 30

I walked back into the hospital room after going to the bathroom. 

My teary eyes darted towards the flowers I had brought a little while back, who were sadly wilting. 'Hey darling,' I said, 'told you I would be back in a second'

Still no reply.

I sat down next to his bed, like I've done countless times for the past month. My trembling hand softly grabbed his.

My tired eyes closed with no command and I was sound asleep.