잠꼬대 (zzz..)

seungmin's diary : entry two

dear diary...

"jungsu - hyung, are you alright?"
"ah.. yeah..!! yeah, i.. i'm fine.!!"

those small conversations i have with jungsu almost every day ring in my head. they keep me up at night.

the stuttering makes it so obvious SOMETHING isn't right. like.. cmon. we've been close friends for 7419375791351057105981053 years... it can't be that bad, right?? honestly tho, i have no clue what's happening with him. he's just been getting more depressed and depressed every day.

now that i think about it... why can't i come over uninvited??? like if you need to clean your room or somethin' that's fine but tbh idgaf if his room was messy, i'd still come over. sometimes he does for me, but most of the time it's because he snuck out. i wonder what's happening at home...

his mom is a great person! she's nice, humble, and seems to take care of jungsu well. but, now that he's been sadder, it must be from his home.

maybe i'm right, but i'm not sure. whenever i go over to his house, it always feels... weird? that's def not the right word, but like, ya get what i mean.

like... it feels like a haunted house, but there's no traps or whatever. you feel some sense of suspense, or something is going to jump out at you. then again... his mom always seems to be... watching us. or like, checking up on us constantly? like every 30 minutes, she comes into his room all like "are you boys okay? do you need some snacks? water?" aaaaaaa i have no clue but it's so off - putting for me.

i mean, don't get me wrong, i know she wants me to feel welcomed, but i feel.. OVER welcomed. if that even makes sense.

just.. eeehhhhh.... i always feel weird whenever i come over. i've never told jungsu that, but i feel like i'm constantly interrupting something. i have no clue what it could be, but it's like when you walk into a room and two people are arguing, y'know???? like, it's so awkward, that you can't act like yourself because you might fuck up and make the situation worse??

anywaysssss yeah idek i'm just rambling about him atp, what if someone finds this diary and thinks i like him tho O.O ... that would be really awkward.