잠꼬대 (zzz..)

o.sm

since it's the weekend, i finally decided that i'd go over to jungsu's house. unannounced. for the first time. in our 5+ years if friendship.

if i'm being completely honest, i'm a bit scared. what if my predictions were right? what if they ask me to come in? should i have a plan? all i have planned is to just show up and knock, so...

either way, maybe i should plan something. maybe... i can bring a package? say that jungsu forgot something at my house? or something from my backpack? man, this is harder than i thought. his mom seems kinda scary... i don't want her to yell at me... that'll mean i won't be able to hang with jungsu anymore.

i'll just bring a package over and see how it goes...

as i arrived at the door, i saw a camera? that's new. i guess they must've gotten one just in case. there were a bunch of gang members spotted near our town, so i guess they want to be safe. understandable. right before i knock, i see something on the side of their house, so i end up going there instead of knocking.

it's a window, but it's really small? like, a 3x2 rectangle at best. i tried peeking through, but i could barely see anything. at first, i saw a figure facing away, but then i heard a door open from the room, so i quickly kid on the side so i wouldn't be seen.

i heard... lots.. and lots.. of yelling.

the most i remember was something like "you aren't supposed to be alive, bitch!" and something about a "failed abortion?"

after the door was shut, i heard muffled crying. it was jungsu.

i felt awful. i mean, how could someone be called that so often? he sounds like he's heard it so many times already... that must hurt, a lot. being told by your own mother you shouldn't be alive anymore? god, i feel so bad.

while i sat near the window, i heard jungsu's muffled sniffles as well as more of his mother's yelling.

"stop crying, you little asshole! man up, you're in high school now! shouldn't you stop crying for once and actually grow up?"

"mom.. please.. i'm tryi-"

"NO YOU AREN'T!! you HAVEN'T been trying, and it SHOWS. you're doing awful in school. what's gotten into you? is it too hard for you now? do you need to go back to middle school? what do you want?"

"no.. i'll.. try harder. i promise..."

"yeah. you better keep that promise."

that was the last thing i remember hearing from her before she slammed the door shut. and damn, that slam was LOUD. literally jolted me up. jeez.

enough about doors. jungsu's doing bad in school? from what i've seen and what he's told me, he's doing perfectly fine. just straight a's, not much going on. is she one of those parents? the ones who need their kids to get straight a+'s? if so, that's just dumb. she wonders why jungsu is doing "bad in school" when she doesn't even listen to herself.

i decided that knocking on the door wasn't the best option, so i decided to walk home and try again another day.