잠꼬대 (zzz..)

k.jsu

tw (again) for verbal abuse mentions!

i love flatform... it's beautiful, it really is. it makes me forget about the darkness of my life, the abuse, the names, the yelling, it makes me forget about it all... it's my paradise, and i love it so much.

i've been forgetting many things lately, for some reason... i'm somehow doing worse in school, and "mom" is getting upset... she thinks, no, knows, it's because of flatform, but is it? i disagree, but disagreeing with her is basically asking for a death sentence, so... probably best i shouldn't.

though i do get where she's coming from, why can't she let me enjoy high school?! i just want to live my life, and not get called these names... it's annoying. she's been so... picky lately.... she's saying i'm eating less, but i'm not? i don't get it.. where is she getting it from?

uh oh, here she comes.. i can hear her usual stomp-steps. ughhh, i guess no flatform for now...

"jungsu, time for dinner. make sure you actually eat it, too." 

"okay... coming."

as i followed her to the kitchen, and we sat down, she said it again. "jungsu, make sure you eat it all. okay?" and all i could do was nod. 

she's been nicer to me lately, and it's... weird. she's been yelling at me less, but she still calls me names, so i guess it's not the biggest change. 

it all started when i was on flatform, and i was playing around with my keyboard. i guess she was able to hear it, and it reminded her of dad.. she used to always tell me he had a passion for music, and how that i should think about it too. maybe that's why... she's been struggling to cope for all these years, and i have too. i miss dad... even though i was never able to spend time with him, and actually talk to him.

i wonder how he'd feel if he heard the things mom has said to me...