잠꼬대 (zzz..)

jooyeon's diary : entry five

dear diary..

is it all my fault? is it my fault that jiseok is dead? it is, isn't it?

i was the one who told everyone about it. i was the one who even stumbled on it myself. i thought that this would be fun, and not lead us to ... whatever this is.

it's too much. i can't take it anymore. what's the point of me even writing in this piece of shit?

i thought everything was going well. it's all my fault. everything that happened, my fucking fault.

why did i bring up ♭-form? why? why hadn't i listened to the signs? the warnings, they were blaring in my face. and yet i was, and am, stupid enough to ignore them.

they can tell me it wasn't my fault as much as they want, but we all know it's my fault. mine. and mine alone.

♭

as jooyeon wrote the last few words from his mind, he picked up his diary, and ripped it up.

every single page, with or without words, hadn't gone unscathed. he just wanted it gone. he didn't care anymore. when all the pages were scattered around his room, he sat down on his bed, staring at the mess he'd made.

"what have i done..?" he asked himself. what had he done? practically putting all your friends' lives at stake wasn't what he had intended with ♭-form. and even worse, some of those friends you had just met a few weeks ago.

jiseok's death had taken a mental toll on jooyeon. to some, it might've been worse than junhan's. either way, the five of them weren't even close to a "positive" mindset.