The Act|| Tarasia

Chapter Ninety Two

Danielle's POV

I swayed my body along to Fantasia, Taraji, and Zion singing their surprisingly good rendition of The Temptations' "Silent Night" as we were all gathered in the living room to play Christmas karaoke. Freeya and Keziah were standing in front of them doing crazy arm movements that I guessed were supposed to resemble background dancing. Suddenly, out of nowhere and for no reason at all, I started to think about the shooting. This always seems to happen when I'm feeling happy and having a good time, and I don't understand why. Looking around the room, the red Christmas decor stood out above the green because it mirrored blood. My blood. Pouring out of my mouth while I tried to call Fantasia's name. The room fell away, and everybody around me was gone. I was suddenly in Fantasia's old house that she shared with Kendall. Sirens were blaring outside and blue lights were flashing through the living room window, but the police wouldn't come in. My heart began to pound and my breath became short as a dark shadow emerged from seemingly thin air, the shadow revealing itself to be Kendall with a gun in his hand.

I stood up abruptly and beelined to the bathroom, not wanting anyone, especially my daughter and husband, to see me having a panic attack. I shut the door hard and put my back against it, closing my eyes and trying to coach myself to breathe normally as my chest rose and fell rapidly. I willed the tears in my eyes to go away as they spilled over and ran down my cheeks. I hate this so much. I've been dealing with it since the incident happened. My attacks seem to get worse when I isolate myself, but I don't want my family and loved ones to see me as a burden, so I hide. When I opened my eyes, Kendall was standing in front of me with his gun aimed at me, but he didn't have his finger on the trigger. He was just taunting me, and I almost wished that he would just go ahead and shoot me so that I wouldn't have to look at him anymore. I averted my eyes to the ceiling as I braced myself against the door, shaking my head as my tears just kept coming and coming. It seemed like I would never stop crying. I clutched my stomach, pushing down the disgusting urge to vomit in Fantasia's bathroom.

Danielle: God, please please please. Please make this go away. Please don't let this be real.

I was jolted out of my state of mental turmoil when someone knocked on the door. I quickly dried my face and flushed the toilet, trying to get myself together and pretend like I really was using the bathroom. I turned the sink water on to drown out the knocking, but I could still hear it. It felt like it was actually getting louder.

Taraji: Dani, open the door baby girl.

Danielle: Go away. I'm fine. Damn can't a girl get some privacy to use the bathroom?

Fantasia: Dani, I'm here too, and I know that you're not going to tell me to go away in my own house. Open the door. It's just us.

I sighed as I reluctantly opened the door, knowing that they would stand there and knock all night until I let them in. None of us said anything, but nothing needed to be said. They already knew what to do. I broke down into tears as they both moved to hold me, Taraji laying my head down on her chest while Fantasia rubbed my back in soothing circles.

Taraji: How long have you been having panic attacks?

Danielle: H-How did you know?

Taraji: Because I get them too. How long have yours been going on?

Danielle: It doesn't matter. It's over now.

I gently pushed them aside and stepped up to the sink, splashing water on my face. I could see them trading disbelieving glances with each other in the reflection of the mirror behind me.

Taraji: Except it's not over, Dani. It's never over. Anxiety doesn't just go away, especially with an experience as traumatic as yours. I'm not trying to psychoanalyze you, I'm just telling you what I know to be true. They're not going to stop, and they're going to get worse if you deny it instead of trying to work through it.

Fantasia: Taraji is right. You need to talk to somebody, Dani. You're making yourself a prisoner in your own head.

Danielle: Why do I need to talk about it? There's nothing to talk about. What happened to me was bad and now it's over. What else is there to say?

Fantasia: It's not over for you. You're still stuck in that moment in time. You could have died.

Danielle: I know.

Taraji and Fantasia's voices were blending together as one as they both tried to talk me down from the scary place I was in, and the noise was starting to get to be too much. I wish that they would just leave me alone. I'm always the one having to give them a shoulder to cry on and a warm body to lean into, but now the roles are reversed and it's almost humiliating to be the one needing help and support. They were both telling me what I should do, and I lost it. I screamed, punching the mirror. I instantly became apologetic when I realized that I had destroyed Fantasia's property.

Danielle: Oh my God, Tasia I-I'm so s-sorry. I promise I'll get it replaced and-

Fantasia: It's ok. Don't worry about it. I know that you're overwhelmed right now. I'm going to go find a broom to sweep this glass up.

Fantasia walked out of the bathroom, leaving me and Taraji alone. I think the last time we were alone together, she kissed me. That seems so far back now because of how much bullshit we've endured and survived since them.

Taraji: Does Denis know about it?

Danielle: No. I'm scared to talk to him about my panic attacks. Through physical therapy he was my rock and he was always cheering on every little small accomplishment that I made, but we also argued about the sacrifice I made. He doesn't understand it. Hell, I'm not even sure if I can understand why I did what I did.

Taraji: You did because you're a good person. You are exactly what people should strive to be like. You know that it's ok not to be ok. It took me years to learn that for myself, but my dark days started getting a little brighter when I finally accepted it.

Danielle: I don't regret saving Fantasia, but I wish that it didn't have to happen the way it did.

Taraji: Me too.

I fell into Taraji's arms, dropping my head on her shoulder as she wrapped her arms around me. I don't know why it's so easy for me to be open and vulnerable with her, but I'm more closed off with Fantasia. It doesn't make any sense because I knew Fantasia way before Taraji. I don't know what's going on with me, but I know that I can't run from it any longer.

A whole chapter dedicated to Danielle because she deserves it🫶🏾. Why do you think she's more open with Taraji than Fantasia?