Stolen from me

A phone call away.

June 28th
Beyoncé
6:10

I sat up in bed before throwing my legs off. I looked back at Shane to make sure he was fully asleep. I slowly opened the drawer and grabbed the journal slowly closing it back. I stood up and tiptoed out the room before closing the door softly.

"Mommy?" I heard a soft raspy voice call from behind me making me jump.

"Blue baby" i panted. She was rubbing her low tired eyes. "What are you doing up?" 

"I had a nightmare" my face soften and I walked to her bending down to her level.

"You wanna tell mommy about it?" She shook her head and looked down.

"When is sissy coming home?" By that question I knew the nightmare was about being with Candace. I sigh softly and gazed away.

"Hopefully soon" i finally answered. Stroking her curly hair out her face. She nodded sadly. "Look how about you go get in mommy's bed and see if that helps yeah?" She nodded. I kissed her forehead and she ran off into the room. I stools up from my squat and sighned.

I went downstairs and grabbed a Carmel coffee from the fridge. I went to my original spot and sat down in the chair turning on the lamp.  I opens my coffee and took a quick sip. I placed it on the table and sat back in my seat. I looked at the journal for a moment and blew out a sharp breath preparing myself to read this again.  I slowly opened the page to where I left off gazing the hand writing I bit my lip harshly before I let my eyes take off with reading.

"Ok" I muttered to myself before I started reading.

October 18th.

Have you ever felt like your soul died while your body was still alive? Well I have to think being raped touched don't or bullied is something horrible no... a man threatening to kill your mother infront if you is. I still don't k or hoe it took place but my mother came home the other day with a man holding a gun to her head and her hands up while crying he yelled at her telling her g her to shut up or he'll blow her brains out infront me.

"Oh my god" I muttered. All this time she was full of hate and hurt when she came. She needed help.

He told my mom if she sells me to him then he'll let her go. Thank god she is no fool and knows how to play her game she told him she would but she had to run upstairs to get my medicine. Lie. I didn't have medicine but she said that to go upstairs to the second phone and call the cops. Which she did they came and arrested him out of our house. I felt like if he had the chance to even have the gun to her head he could have pulled the trigger any moment not only on her but on Me. I decided to stay with my grandmother for a while after that. Did my mother like it? No. But she knew why and she knew what it caused me. I'm sorry but this is going to be a short one I have no words honestly.

I shook my head sadly while holding i hon my tears and turned to the next page.

October 19th

I know this won't get read by anyone but if it does I hope you understand me and my words. My life isn't the perfect life that I'm sure every teenager has. I know people go through things but what I go through or have been through is no comparison. I have no father never met him talk to him not anything. And when I ask I get in trouble for it. I had to finally realize he's never gonna come around and this is all I've got. This journal and my mother. But I feel like my mother made me write in this because she knows I have no one to talk to, even her she is never here. And when I do find the courage to talk she just goes in her room and shuts the door saying she isn't tired maybe tomorrow. Then tomorrow comes and it never happens.