Becoming a Maximoff

Chapter 45: Half the population

Pov Nat

I watch with horror how Thanos snaps, this is what we've been trying to prevent but it seems like we failed. The satisfied expression on his face makes me even angrier but there is nothing I can do now. 

My eyes dart to the other's and I watch how Sam stumbles to the ground before he turns to grey dust that's carried off by the wind. My heart starts to beat faster and I get up as quick as I can to search for y/n. 

I only saw Thanos throwing her aside but I didn't manage to see where exactly she landed. I hold my ribs as I get up, my eyes darting around as anxiety fills my body.
I can't lose her! She is my baby, my everything!

I try to ignore the screams of the other's as more people seem to dissolve. I spot some red hair, knowing that it has to be Wanda. But I am too late. 

I run closer to see y/n's face one last time before it also turns into dust, along with Wanda's. 

From one second to the other, I am suddenly alone. I run over to where she just was and search around in the air, hoping to get a grip on anything but there is nothing. I fall to my knees, my hands landing on the spot where she just was.
She's gone, forever. I just lost the most valuable thing in my life. 

A scream echoes through the forest and it takes me a few seconds to realize, that I am the one screaming. Tears blur my vision and my heart clenches tightly. I haven't cried in a long time and I don't think that the others have seen me cry more than once, or maybe twice after y/n was born. But I can't keep the tears in me any longer. I just lost my daughter!
My hands still search the dirt underneath me, hoping to find anything of hers but there is nothing left that reminds me of her existence.

I cry out and slam my fists onto the ground with a desperate and frustrated feeling building up inside me. My whole body feels heavy and my heart aches and it feels a little like I just lost a small part of my soul. 

After a few more moments of internal pain, a way worse feeling settles in my chest: emptiness. 

The tears stopped but my heart still hurts and I don't find the energy to move, kneeling on the spot of earth that my daughter last touched before she disappeared off the earth forever.

After what feels like hours, or minutes, maybe seconds, I don't know, I feel a hand on my shoulder. I don't need to look up to know it's Steve's. He doesn't say anything and neither do I but I can tell that he still knows what happened.

"She was only 18." I manage to whisper, taking my eyes off the ground to look up into the sky. 

"I know." Steve replies quietly, his voice heavy. 

"We didn't do enough." I whisper and feel guilt filling in for the emptiness. "I should have stayed back with her. I shouldn't have gone to fight. I could have protected her." I say and even when I'm quiet, the words continue to spin around my head.

"That's not true, Nat. We did everything we could. And we needed you on the field. The aliens took her and it wouldn't have stopped them if there was anyone to protect her. None of us knew that they would be able to march in there without us noticing." He tries to comfort me but I shake my head, first slowly, then faster.

"I could have stopped them. I could have protected y/n. I could have-" 

"Nat, stop. It doesn't help to blame yourself for something that isn't your fault. Thanos wanted the stones and nothing could have stopped him. We underestimated him and thought if we were fast enough, we could destroy one or both of the stones but we forgot what he can do with the time stone. It isn't anyone's fault." He emphasizes the fast sentence but I don't except it.