COMPLETED: The Kiwi to my Heart // Liam Lawson

Chapter 20

I woke up shivering even in the dead of summer. I still managed to run cold. I looked over to the clock which read 3:12 in bright blue lights. I got up and found a sweatshirt on the chair. I walked back to the bed and tried falling asleep again, but I couldn't. I laid there staring at the ceiling thinking.

Was it time to forgive Liam? After all, I did have sex with him and he seems to be being nice to me. Sorta... Why did he seem so upset at the thought of us not being more than people who fucked? Did that mean he wanted more? Why would he want that? Did I want that? What about Lando? All of these questions circulated through my head making me dizzy trying to chase after them all. I looked back over to the clock which now read 4:02. "Great" I say, letting out a sigh. It's been nearly an hour and I'm no closer to falling asleep. I decided that I would go for a walk around the hotel to hopefully tire me out.

I got out of bed once more and threw on a pair of slip ons. My legs dragged around the hallways. My body was tired, but my mind was wide awake. I went down to the lobby area thinking maybe a little people watching would distract me enough. Worrying about other people's problems always seemed like the better solution. I walked out of the elevator making a left towards the entrance. There was no one there. Why would I think that anyone would have been here at 4 in the fucking morning? I sat in one of the chairs letting my legs play catch up with my brain. "What are you doing down here?" The voice was cold and accusatory, more than curious as if I had trespassed. I look up and see a set of eyes that were normally light blue like an ocean full of waves, but now were as dark as a calm lake. "I couldn't sleep" I say, my voice sounding weaker than I intended. "You're wearing my sweatshirt." Liam said, and I looked down. I hadn't realized because I had put it on in the dark bedroom. I pulled the dark blue fabric in front of me reading the words Red Bull upside down. "I'm sorry I didn't realize. Here." I say starting to take it off. "Just keep it." He said his voice full of disgust as if I tainted the sweatshirt just by touching it. He started to walk away.

"Is this what you do?" I yelled out. He stopped walking, but kept his back turned. I continued, "You get someone to think I don't know, maybe they like you and then you are mean to them and shut them out?". "Where do you get off saying that you even remotely like me?" he said, whipping his body around and making steady strides towards me. His arms gestured to the sky as if he were asking God some unanswerable question. "Where do you get off treating me like crap all the time?" I shot back at him. "I asked you first," He said. "Great. See you always do this." I said, frustration burning into every word. "Do what?" he spat out. "Act like a damn child." I said sharply, pronouncing every syllable. "Instead of telling me how you really feel you just make fun of me and tease me and then when I don't like you for doing that somehow I'm the bad guy." I said. Liams answer came quickly. "No Y/N, you aren't the bad guy for not liking me back. Hell, I don't even like myself most of the time. But you are the bad guy for sleeping with me and then discarding me like a piece of trash you found on the side of the road." He said, his voice getting quieter as he spoke his last sentence. Making him sound almost defeated.

"I don't need to hear this right now" I said getting up from the chair I was sitting in. I wasn't going to have Liam tear my confidence down again. I wasn't a little girl anymore and I had to stop letting his words affect me like I still was. "At least answer me this." He said and my body turned to face him. "Is it because of him? Do you hate me because you are in love with Lando?" These were the first words that seemed to echo in the lobby making me realize just how open of a space this was. Anyone could have been listening to their conversation as I had intended to do just 10 minutes ago to someone else. "I am not answering that." I said as I began moving towards the elevator. "Because you know it's true." Where did he get the gall to-

I turned around again. "No Liam. It's not because I'm in love with Lando. It's because you are a terrible human being. You made me feel like I was a worthless piece of shit for years for the sake of a good laugh. Do you know what that does to a girl who is trying to find her place in the world? A girl who just wanted to live her life without worrying that her brother's best friend wasn't going to put spiders in her hair while she slept or..." I stopped thinking about what happened last summer. "Or whether or not I had actually found who I thought was my soulmate." I said, forcing the tears back down. I saw his face fall a bit realizing what he did had such a big impact on me still. "Look Y/N you knew that was just a prank and I only did it because I-". I cut Liam off. "I don't care why you did it anymore. Maybe this was me getting revenge for that subconsciously, maybe I was starting to warm up to you. Thinking you had changed. But it doesn't matter why I did it." "Y/N..." Liam's voice trailed off in a tone used only when you are looking at something you truly feel bad for like an injured puppy or a lost child. He tried grabbing at my hand getting me to stay but I pulled away. "Forgive me Liam if you feel like trash tonight. Just remember that's how you've made me feel time and time again."