Kyle "Gaz" Garrick x M!Reader

Twenty-Six

Like every year, the night after Kimmy's unannounced visit was pure hell, the worst night of your life until it only got worse the next year.

You tossed your head wildly, tossed and turned in bed and tried to find a good position to fall asleep. But it didn't help. Everything was so devastated, filling your head with so many thoughts and wishes.

Why did it always have to be the same?

Your eyes opened to search the darkness for something to distract you. Tiredness made your eyelids heavy but your head refused to rest.

You couldn't sleep. It just wasn't possible.

You toyed with the idea of going to see how the boys were doing, but they were probably asleep and you didn't want to wake them. With a sigh, you bury your face in your hands, squinting your eyes.

"Dammit...", you gasped. "Shit..."

A stone spread through your throat, choking your air. Next to you, the soft blankets rustled in the dark. Kyle turned to you, his eyes still closed but obviously awake.

"Sorry.", your voice was raspy in the night. "I didn't want to wake you."

Wordlessly, he let his hand wander over the pillows, feeling for your hand. Soft fingertips caressed your cheek.

Your eyes fell shut. Tired, you let yourself fall into his touch. Without thinking about it, you lifted your hand and placed it on his.

"It's okay.", he whispered. "Tomorrow it will be better..."

You squint your eyes painfully. Despair mingled with anger in your chest. Fingers closed tighter around his hand. You could feel his bones in the palm of your hand.

"(Y/N).", he spoke softly but warningly.

Hurting him just because you didn't know what to do next was not the answer. And you didn't want it either.

It just felt so weird, like there was no back and forth. You were trapped in a box.

"What should I do?", you asked, letting go of his hand.

His fingers twitched but he didn't let you go. Warmth seeped into your cheek. He had incredibly soft skin.

"You're asking me?", a smile could be heard in his words.

You snorted tiredly.

"You're the only one I can ask that."

"What about your parents?"

You shook your head. Pillows rustled.

"They still want me to move in with them."

"To Scotland?"

"Yeah."

He swallowed audibly. You took a deep breath, your eyes fell shut. Everything was so hard.

"I can't give up everything here.", you whispered into the darkness. "Not after I've done so much for it."

He hummed in agreement. His hand travelled from your cheek, down your neck and came to rest on your chest. Immediately your fingers found his and interlocked.

Why did you keep feeling this urge to touch him?

It hadn't been unusual before, but now it felt different. It was no longer this innocent but a desire.

As if he was the only thing in this world you could cling to and feel safe.

"Kyle...", you whispered.

"Hm?", to be able to hear better, he slid a little closer.

Warm breath caressed your neck and made goose bumps grow all over your body.

"I think I really need to see mum and dad.", you finally said. "For as long as I can."

Silence answered. Only his breath filled your ears. Hesitantly, he let his thumb stroke the back of your hand.

"I have to do the aptitude test soon.", he finally said.

"Are you afraid?"

"Yes.", he admitted. "But... not the way you think."

A smile flitted across your lips. You turned your head, hoping to look at him, but there was only darkness and vague outlines. Swallowing hard, he shook his head slowly, the sheets rustling.

"I don't think I'm still unsuitable the second time round.", he admitted.

You smirked.

"That sounds like you want to leave the military."

His fingers gripped yours a little tighter. A deep breath warmed your ear as he half-sighed and turned onto his back to stare at the ceiling.

"I don't know. I've never done anything but be a soldier."

"Why change anything now?"

He hesitated with his answer, thinking.

"Maybe... a normal life can be nice. Without flying over deserts. A bed with a real mattress.", his words came to an end and you found yourself longing for something.

An answer, a confession. Whatever it was, you wished you could find a place in it. And the boys. He was so good with the kids. So much so that the title of uncle wouldn't do him justice.

"No.", you whispered, narrowing your eyes.

It was stupid to think that he would give all that up for you and not for himself. Kyle had a right to find a place for himself in the normal world.

As a simple man. And you wouldn't stand by his side, at least not as more than just a friend. He frowned in confusion next to you.

"What?", he asked.

A shiver ran down your spine. You hadn't realised you'd said the word out loud. The beat of your heart hammered against your ribcage. All at once, his warmth began to burn on your (S/C) skin.

"Nothing...", you replied softly and turned away.

His fingers released yours and a feeling of loss tightened your throat. You wanted to turn around, hug him and hold him so tightly to your chest that he could never leave. The weight of his gaze dug into your back. But he said nothing.

"If you want...", you took a deep breath. "You can come with me. Mum and dad would love to see you again."

He nodded softly.

"I'll think about it.", he said. You squint your eyes.

"Think about it quickly. I'll leave in the morning."

"Tomorrow morning already?"

"Hm. As soon as I'm awake I'll pack."

"Why?", he frowned.

You swallowed hard. Shame and anger tied your throat. Your fingers clawed into the soft surface of your pillow.

"I'm running away, Kyle. Every year, I run away because I fear she'll be back.", you said calmly. "And I don't want to witness how cruel she can be."