𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆

𝑪𝒐𝒏𝒇𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝑭𝒐𝒖𝒓

𝑪𝒐𝒏𝒇𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝑭𝒐𝒖𝒓

Playing Your Best American Girl by Mitski

(Warning: mentions of a relationship between a minor and an adult)

??? POV

I wasn't supposed to like it.

I wasn't supposed to be doing this.

Yet, I was deprived. Like a plant without sun.

It was forbidden. I know it.

But when I sit in the arms of someone who tells me that they care, that they love me. What can I do but listen.

What can I do but welcome it.

It's wrong.

It's so wrong.

I was young.

Naive.

But I was mature enough to take care of myself right?

It's wrong but it feels so right.

But then I've never been told a right from wrong. 

They never cared so instead I sought such things from someone else. Someone else who could show me love. Show me care. Show me that I'm worth something.

I'm finally worth someone's time.

I'm finally worth something.

I'm finally worth something.

So when he touches me, I don't shy away, tell him it's wrong. No. I welcome it. Indulge in it.

When he tells me it's a secret, I listen. Because I'm good. I can't disobey him. If I do he'll leave.

But it's ok.

It's ok that he's older.

It's ok. It's ok.

Because he loves me.

He tells me he loves me. And I believe him.

Because he chose me over her. She doesn't know but he chose me right?

It's ok. I'm old enough to understand.

When he's gone I crave it. I crave his touch, his affection, his love. Maybe it's because I've never experienced it.

People will never understand what we have. In their eyes it's wrong. In their eyes it's disgusting but they'll never understand. Love me like he does.

He won't leave me alone though. He loves me too much to. Or maybe it's my body.

Maybe it's only my body.

It's only my body.

And I know that.

Deep down, I do know he doesn't actually care for me. I know he sees me as a child he has under his control. He only cares about my body.

I'm ashamed to admit it.

But I'm past caring.

Because even though someone will use me for my body,

At least I'm wanted for something.

And that's all that matters.

An:

So sad :(

It's truly sad how many adults take advantage of naive teens. It's honestly horrible and not talked enough about. None of this to romanticise pedophilia, only to bring awareness of how  impactful and disgusting it is and the mental struggle some teens go through. This is also a warning for the upcoming chapters that feature this in the next chapters coming up.

Can you guess?