The world has fallen into the hands of greed and chaos and no one knows what to do. It's as though they are being punished by the God they once played.
The punishment for delving into higher powers man was not meant to touch. The punishment for the...
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I couldn't breathe.
I was back.
My skin itched with the need to rip it off. The familiar air of somewhere which made the hair on my body stand. My body was hit and I felt nauseous. I was laid on my back, my throat contracting every now and then to stop the flow of vomit that threatened with bile at the back of my throat.
I sniffled, choking on the familiar smell of home and destruction. I had awoken a few hours ago but I couldn't remember what exactly happened before I went down again.
My eyes rolled back into my head when I tried to open my eyes. I tried again, my heart thumping loudly in my head as I coughed out another breath. I swallowed around the bile, pushing it all down with a grimace.
I was back in my childhood home. I could guess that pretty quickly. But why?
I wanted to say I was having a nightmare. But I knew I wasn't by the supposed soothing hand that brushed my hair. I was resting on someone's thigh?
Their scent...? Someone familiar to...Jeongin?
It's weird...I was familiar to how he smelt from the times we'd all be stuffed closely together in the school hiding from zombies.
I wanted to break out into tears. Why was I home?
I opened my mouth to say something but my mouth was dry. I tried again, blinking my lousy eyes before they finally opened.
Everything was blurry for a moment before it cleared up. Jeongin was looking down at me, his eyes, his usual collection of something blank.
His dark pierced into mine as he didn't say a word, just stared into mine as I tried to adjust to the light of the broken bulb above his head.
I could hear talking around us but Jeongin didn't seem to alert anyone I was awake.
He instead, reached a hand to my forehead, patting gently before frowning. He kept his dark eyes on mine, almost unblinking as he roamed around my face with his fingers.
What is he doing?
I cleared my throat, the dryness making me hiss quietly. He grabbed something from my view, before bringing it back a second later. A small water flask. He unscrewed it and brought it to my lips.
I opened my mouth, my throat sore from the lack of hydration. The second he tilted the water into my mouth, my heart leapt at the touch of water, cold and so very needed as it soothed not only my throat, but my dehydration and my headache.
He fed me the water with something focused...and strange? Fascination?
I was too tired to really focus on anything that the water that healed something in me.
His lip was between his teeth, nodding in focus as he tilted his head down to look at me. After a moment, he tilted the flask back up and screwed its lid back on.
I nodded my tired head in appreciation as my voice didn't seem to be working well. He seemed to acknowledge it as he squinted his eyes, looking over my face again before he sat up straight.
"He's awake." His tone changed to something lighter, his usual carefree tone as he looked to the others in the room.
They went quiet as I heard footsteps.
Was it cruel for me to wish I wasn't? Awake I mean.
I don't want to wake up. Not in this house. Not when my chest is so utterly tight as I cling onto something to pull me through. Not surrounded by people, no matter how attached I have become, I want to be alone.
If I'm forced to be in such hell, let me soak and drown alone. Soak in her face. Soak in his similar one. And let me bury myself in it.
Chan comes into view but all k can do is stare at him in a daze. After he confessed, I don't feel judgement from him. His eyes are clear of it and all I feel is a flicker of warmth. It's the only warmth I feel in the cold, cruel house.
I blinked at him, my jaws too heavy to open so I don't utter a word. It's not like I would want to speak anyways.
He tilts his head up, I'm guessing look at the others. His voice was muffled to my ears, I felt like I was underwater.
My head was beginning to feel numb from lying down so much, so I shifted my head, apparently alerting Jeongin. He cupped the back of my hair, leaning down closer to my face.
He spoke lowly, his voice clearing to me than anything else.
"Only you know the real reason why you're like this."
He had shocked me earlier. My heart raced and I couldn't help but let out a little choked noise. Why? Because he was right.
In the back of my mind, I consciously knew what was wrong with me.
I had been lost to this wave before. It was nothing new, somewhat a cycle.
I'd forget myself over and over again. I do now. We all do. Because even if the world's gone to hell and it's all burning, we still are somewhat the same people as before.
How could I forget? It was foolish as out of everyone, I had physical reminders.
This was a time in my life where I hated myself the most. I couldn't hate the past me because I was still him.
How could I forget the needle holes in my arm? The smoke I had inhaled into my lungs willingly? How could I get past the way my body was declining because of past damages.
I knew what was happening.
Whether it was the PTSD from being in such a traumatic place or the fact that I was suffering withdrawal symptoms from my past drug abuse, my body was hit full swing with both.
I felt like I was going insane. Truly. Then, bile bubbled in my throat and I made a gargle noise before a hand was pulling my collar up and shoving a bucket in my way. I weakly clung onto it, tossing up my rations for the day.
There were hands on me, trying to steady or support me, I can't tell. But all I could think was...
I'm fucked.
An: My New Year's resolution is actually gonna be to finish this book. I swear I have so many ideas but life's kicking my ass right now and it's hard. I hope you all are well and a very early merry christmas!
