Code Blue

~ Chapter 49 ~

This chapter may be a bit sad, but it's also one of my favorite things that I have ever written in my life <3

Chapter 49
Sunday November 12th
Harry's POV

My eyes burned.

As I sit and stare at my precious daughter underneath my blanket in her hospital bed, I could only be consumed by one thing.

Helplessness.

For days as Dr. Hadi pumped chemotherapy through her veins and my little girl's body was fighting for her life, I could only sit by on the sidelines and watch.

It's not because I want to.

It's because there's nothing that I can do.

All that I'm allowed to do as a parent on the other side of this is hold her hand and be by her side. I couldn't fix my little girl with surgery, I couldn't prescribe her antibiotics and send her on her way, I couldn't take her pain away the same that I do with all the other kids who walk through these doors.

As a parent, and as a doctor, I have never felt so helpless.

For days I have sat on the uncomfortable chair by Stevie's bedside, refusing to leave her. Refusing to look away from her. It might sound creepy and overdramatic, but all that I can do is sit and stare at my little sunshine.

I just had to make sure that she was okay. If I couldn't do anything else, I was determined to do that. If that meant I barely took an eye off of her for days, then so be it. I would do anything for my Stevie girl, no matter what.

Because of that I don't recall the last full night of sleep that I've gotten. It must be 5 days at this point. The days leading up to her next cycle and during have always been daunting and difficult for me, but it's managed to become worse this time around. I've only dozed off against my will in small periods of time.

My eyes stung from the lack of a break they were getting. My hands were starting to shake sometimes when I'd be getting Stevie a snack or drink. Every part of my body was starting to cramp and ache because I was barely moving. My head was pounding and I was delirious, having to ask Stevie several times what she asked for because I was too tired to comprehend. Last night while she was sleeping, I began sobbing when I had myself convinced there were 2 of her, and I couldn't do anything to save either one.

It was probably 3 or so in the morning, and the only light in the room was the one from the bathroom shining in a bit. I was sitting there practically alone in the darkened room, because Stevie was asleep and had been for hours. She hadn't felt okay after her second dose of chemo and had drifted off quite easily last night.

The same as I had been doing for days, I sat there and watched her sleep peacefully, trying to keep myself calm that at least if she was sleeping, than she wasn't hurting.

The night before I thought I was seeing things, but I brushed it off, succumbed to a cat nap and then was back to my regular scheduled programming. Last night I sat uncomfortably in my chair, taking my eyes off of her for just a second to glance at the clock. When my eyes scanned back to my angel, my heart stopped in my chest when I saw 2 Stevie's sleeping in front of me.

No.

No.

I reached out for my lovebug's hand, gently encompassing it in mine, sending shivers down my spine when it felt like I was touching two of her at once. My jaw dropped ever so slightly as my breathing began to pick up, needing it to disappear.

It looked so real in front of me.

I could hear my heart pounding in my chest, growing more scared of the vision in front of me. I already resented myself for the fact that there was nothing I could do to help her now. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if there was another one of her that I was letting down.