Claimed│✓

EIGHTEEN: PROGRESS

[eighteen]

      I felt quite drowsy but I felt myself returning to consciousness. Did Gideon hear me?

      I felt for my wolf but she was simmering just below the surface as well. She was weak. Why?

       Was it out of shame? Was she leaving me again? I hoped not, prayed not. I had a taste of what it meant to feel needed, was I poisoning myself? Six years of service,duty and responsibility to others, just to stay alive.I still wanted that but there was something else I wanted.

      Would I end up killing myself by reveling in my own self-need? Would my wolf perish pursuing some semblance of the blessing the Goddess had bestowed upon us?

       I shrieked again once searing heat penetrated my bones. I curled myself in and succeeded this time. I opened my eyes screaming over and over. I was in so much pain, I didn't even register the others in the room.

      My vision was blurry from tears. A hand pressed against my forearm but quickly retracted it, they hissed in pain.

      "It's her heat but its very abnormal." It was Richard. " All the symptoms are over-exaggerated."

      I attempted to sit up but couldn't from the waves of heat passing through me. I needed to be still. I needed to hold my breath.

     I stopped breathing and began to meditate, only my discipline would help me or ....

      I lay very still, holding my limbs together, closing my eyes,keeping my back ramrod straight. I pushed for my wolf but she still simmered below.

     "What is she doing?" It was Brian.

     "She is attempting to endure it." Olivia said gravely.

     "What do you mean endure Olivia? She wolves do not endure heat or they die." Eva snapped.

      "It was tradition in our former pack." she spat." If you were unmated, there was no male coming to your aid. It was to prevent sexual promiscuity and teach us to endure, as if we didn't have enough to endure already. If you die, you die. Even if your potential mate could help, it was not allowed. I buried some myself. It was barbaric, there attempt at curbing our so-called sexual deviousness."

      It was true. I had buried some myself also. Heat was seen as a distraction to the unmated. It was a sin to seek relief, especially warriors. It was a call that all wolves knew, an instinctual one. The she-wolf was not give herself away, it was not her privilege.

      I felt my resolve breaking as another wave came, but I remained steadfast. I could survive.

      "Get her out of it."

      Gideon.

      I lost concentration and gasped. My eyes flew open to find concern and worry etched on all their faces. I was trembling.

      Gideon came to me in his own way. He held my gaze intensely, "Let me help you." he demanded.

      "How?" I bit out. No one helped me, I was to help them. I did not want this helplessness. I had been glad for the absence of my heat. I didn't want to feel this way. It wasn't essential that I did. I could go without, like before. I was always without.

    "Let me touch you."

      My eyes widened at his plea. I couldn't tell him no and my body stilled at the request. The tension loosened but I felt on edge, as if it would return any minute now. My breathing was heavy and I remained hot, teaming.