Are You Happy Now?

Chapter 15: One Month Wasted

This chapter is up a few days early and this book is no longer on hold! Wish me luck on my AP tomorrow!

Enjoy!

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(Cassidy's P.O.V.) 

People say that when you die you see a bright light. I only see darkness. I am stuck in a void of nothingness. I feel numb and alone, even though I am never truly alone. Riley visits me daily. He tells me what has been happening in the world, the pack, the club, and with him. I can never bring myself to really respond to anything he says or asks me. He has repeatedly pleaded with me to snap out of this "funk" I'm in, or that's how he puts it. I just feel like I have no reason to keep going.  

It's been a month since I have been admitted to Phillip's pack hospital. Three weeks since I woke up with minimal scaring from the attack.  

The attack. 

The attack that left me broken and Logan most likely dead. Everything has always been my fault. Everything I touch somehow gets ruined or gets hurt. My sister hates me because my mom likes me more. My brother had to take a blow to his reputation because I couldn't fess up to my ability to shift, which ultimately lead to my rejection. My mom has to live with the pain of separation from one of her three pups. Separation is hard on mothers. Riley will get hurt because I will never fully be able to love him like he loves me. Damen was probably the only person I haven't hurt or don't regret hurting if I did.  

Sometimes I feel like everyone would have been better off had I not been born at all. Every time I even think about killing myself I find some way to back out of it though. Whether it is because I see the pure adoration in Riley or Heather's eyes. Whether it's because I think about how that it would just be the easy way out. Or whether I think about what it would do to my mom if I did.  

My mom.  

I figure I should send her something to give her an inkling that I am indeed still alive, despite contrary belief. I mean, can you even call what how I am alive? All I do is mope around the pack hospital - actually more like sit in the bed and occasionally walk around to make sure the muscles in my legs don't get too weak - because they won't allow me to leave until I have made a "mental recovery." In other words, until I seem like my old self. What they don't realize is I will never be the same girl they met half a year ago. She is gone. I am the shell of the girl they met; she died when Logan did. She was mostly dead when her mate rejected her and wouldn't allow her the saving from her pathetic life she had always dreamed of. The girl previously known as Cassidy Knightlock was gone. In her place she left a broken girl.  

(Riley's P.O.V.) 

It has been a month since Cassidy scared the crap out of me by temporarily dying. Though we brought her back, I think part of her remained gone. It was like her soul reason for living was gone. She barely ate - I have to force her to eat each meal. Every time she slept she thrashed in her sleep as if she was having a nightmare. The light that previously surrounded Cassidy was completely diminished. She hasn't smiled or laughed since she woke up. She hasn't shifted either. I am beyond worried about her.  

Every day I try to make sure that she eats and that I make the time to spend time with her. She needs someone to try and coax the old Cassidy back out, who else is going to do it? Everyone else who has tried gave up. But not me. I will always be there when she needs me and right now she does. I will find a way to bring back the girl who has managed to steal my heart without even knowing. 

(Damen's P.O.V.) 

It has been a month since Cassidy, my mate, has died. I feel like my life has no meaning. I have not slept with any more women since my last mistake. I will never repeat that one.