Spoiler Alert: They Ain't Gonna Make It

41. I'm So Sorry

Kai stared at the black object in his shaking hand.

It was foreign feeling for him. To have so much control over everything and everyone around him. He had the final word. For the first time in his life, he would have the final say in what happened and what didn't happen. The cool, tickling power that surged deep within him was breathtaking. He had never felt so important. So exhilarating and wonderful. So alive.

"Kill them," his dad had said.

Kai gazed up at his father through his bangs, innocence dripping from his stare.

It would be easy enough. Load, aim, and fire. He'd used a gun before. Never on people, but he knew the just of it. They'd all be dead in a minute, a round, a heartbeat. Nothing that Kai couldn't handle.

But then he would stumble upon memories. Memories of him, Eric, and Zach hanging out after school at his house, laughing the afternoon away. Memories of Bettie, Isabel, Ali, Josie, and Tannin giggling in the back if class. Of Katrina helping him with his math homework and Kala stealing his cupcake on his birthday (which he watched her eat with a hungry pout). He couldn't forget how amazing these people were and how much he's grown to love them. Not even when his dad told him to forget.

His fingers traced the slick side of his weapon. He itched to use it, to feel the buzz of strength ring within him. He needed that excitement.

He was going to kill them. Kai was going to kill them. He was going to kill them to show his father he is a man. To finally make him proud.

Yet, there was still that nagging voice in the back of his head. Don't do it Kai. Don't do it. They're your friends. They love you and you love them.

But what was love? His dad told him it was as made up as Cinderella and Snow White and all the other fairy tales. That no one truly loved anyone else because it simply didn't exist.

So how would he describe the fluttering feeling in his chest when his girlfriend kissed his lips? When Eric and Zach went out of their way on his birthday? When the girls called him smart and the guys deemed him the coolest? What was that aching feeling that dragged his feet down when something bad happened to them? Or that high he got on when he spent a whole day laughing with the people tied before him? What would those things be if they weren't love?

Kai was very afraid. He was afraid that he was going to make a mistake. A mistake that would haunt him for the rest of his life. If he killed his friends, would he regret it? Would their faces appear every time he closed his eyes like in the books and movies? If he disobeyed his father, would he regret it? Would his dad betray him and shoot him like he had shot one of his workers minutes ago if he didn't kill his friends? Kai just didn't know. He seriously did not know.

He held the future in the palms of his hands. What happened now and on was all based upon what Kai wanted to do, what Kai felt was right, what Kai decided.

And he had no idea.

"Kai," Mr. Ford said, impatient. "You're going to have to kill them today."

The boy nodded, hesitantly shuffling over to his tied up friends. He fiddled with the safety of the gun, trying his hardest to stall.

Was he capable of betraying his father? Killing his friends? What was right choice?

His father tapped his foot, his gun ready. He would go for the kill if his son didn't. "Son," he said, no feeling behind the word.

Kai turned. "Yes sir?"

His dad smirked. "Kill him first," he pointed to Eric. The man held a strong hatred for the spitting boy that would not cease until the boy's guts will spilled across the floor. He would have the last laugh.

"H-him?" Kai stammered, his whole demeanor faltering. His dad was never home to know that Eric had been Kai's first and best friend. He didn't know Eric and Kai acted more like brothers than any other two boys in the whole world.

"Kill him, Kai, and do it now."

Kai nodded, gulping while turning back to the hostages. His entire body was trembling now, his face paler than a ghost's as he looked down to Eric with hollow eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, lifting the gun and placing it against Eric's forehead.

Eric's breath hitched. Kai was going to do it. Kai was going to kill him.

Kai undid the safety. It would only take a simple flick of his index finger to kill Eric.

Eric shook his head, tears streaming down his face. "Kai," he choked out in a desperate sob. "I'm your best friend, your brother, tu hermano. You can't kill me, you can't kill us. You're not a killer, Kai. You're not a murderer."

When Kai didn't respond he went on.

"I remember when we first met," Eric smiled between the tears. "It was the first day of kindergarden. You were wearing an awful plaid polo and those ugly yellow khakis and I had that awkward buzz-cut and dorky shoes. We both asked the teacher to go to the bathroom and she told us only one of us could go at a time and we should decide who got to go first." He sniffled, reminiscing the day as happily as ever. "We fought so hard over who got to go first. You threw those heavy blocks that ended up sending me to the hospital and I dumped glue and then that bottle of pink glitter over your head." Despite the barrel of a loaded gun pointed at his head, Eric laugh whole-heartingly. He enjoyed the memory too much not to. "That was, truly, the best day of my life, all because I met you, my best friend."

Kai was crying by the end of the story. He remember that day. He remembered that day and every other day with Eric all too well. The day they met, the time they went to the park and fell off the monkey bars, when they got their first girlfriends, when they lost their first girlfriends, the weird event in which they met Zach at, graduating elementary school, going camping, getting poison ivy from camping, their Friday movie nights, "studying" together, making the football team, laughing over 'all you can eat pits', everything. Kai remembered everything.

And it was making him cry.

"Please, Kai," Eric was full out sobbing now, the cool touch of the gun scaring him. He already escaped death twice, and as they say, a third time's a charm. "You'll regret this so much. Please don't do this."

Kai shook his head, wiping away the tears. "I'm so sorry."

He raised his gun, aimed, squeezed his eyes shut, and fired.

He didn't make it.