Forget Me Not

You over me

Jeff's POV

My heart ached as I watched her go. I felt this deep sadness and depression grow inside me. I shuffled my feet to the bed and say at the edge gripping my hair. "What have I done?..." I mumbled I myself. "I just wanted her to be comfortable with me again, I didn't want to hurt her." I spoke to no one. I grunted and three myself back against the bed. "I'm such an idiot, how could I just let her walk away...how could I hurt her." I thought to myself. After I kissed her she started acting strange...being shy and avoiding me. That's not the Y/n I know. It's strange when she doesn't talk to me, it's like the world shifted and everything's out of place. I thought if I told her that she's go back to normal...but instead I hurt her. I sat up and gripped my hair again. "It's okay...you did what you had to do, if she really liked you, she would have told you." I thought to myself. I took a deep breath and stood. I stayed still for a minute letting my anger build up inside me before my fist collided with my bedroom wall. A loud grunt fled my mouth and I crumbled to the floor, curling myself in a ball, leaning my back against the same wall. "I love you Y/n...." I mumbled out loud. I repeated that sentence. "I love you Y/n....and because of that, I'll always put you first." I added and tipped my head back against the wall. I repeatedly hit my head against it, hoping an answer to life would be knocked into me. Instead my anger built up faster and I flew off the handle, I punched walls and pulled books off the shelves, I pushed newspapers off my desk and kicked the chair across the room. I jabbed my knife into the desk and chucked my blade across the room letting it stick in the bedroom door. I was breathing heavily and my anger slowly began to ease and come to a calm mode. Now I was just sad again. I moaned and groaned and lazily carried myself to my bed and laid face down into a pillow. I mumbled my confessions again, into the pillow before turning my head to the side. I drew out a heavy long sigh of depression. As I laid there my mind trailed back to my time in the forest with her. "I waited so long for that moment and I blew it...I just threw it away. How could I have been so dumb, she obviously liked me in order to kiss me back." I thought to myself. I turned into my pillow and groaned really loudly. This was more complicated then it really should be. Why can't life just be as simple as, "I want you, to want me too." And BAM a fucking miracle happens and we end up together. No problems or worries or wrong answers to the wrong questions...

I felt my anger building up. I rolled over on my back and rested my hands behind my head as I stare intensely at the ceiling. I was breathing hard from all the rage begging to be released but I refrained.....for as long as I could anyways. It wasn't look before I turned my desk over and kicked it hard a few times. I ripped the blankets off my bed and threw pillows all over the room. I took my knife and slashed it down my curtains making slits in them for the moonlight to peek through. I stumbled back on my bed and sat at the edge. I threw my knife and my closet door and lifted my hood over my head. I buried my face in my hands. I couldn't stand myself right now. The one person I wanted most...I crushed and destroyed...the one person I love, now hates me an it all my fault. I just wanted her to be comfortable and natural around me...I thought I could stay out of her way and keep away from her because I cared about her feelings more than mine...but I realized if I do, that would be suicide. I couldn't last a day without being with her or even seeing her. 5 whole years without was enough to drive me mad. Hell, I've been in this room for 15 minutes an it's already destroyed.

I stopped for a minute and took the time to look around my chaotic hell whole that I created. "Fuck...now I have to clean this up." I cursed under my breath with an exhausted sigh. I stood and looked around at my mess some more. I groaned an walked to my light switch and flicked it off, from there I made my way back to the bed and laid back down. I laid on my side facing what would have been Y/n's side and brought my knees in closer to my body. I brought a pillow to my chest and stared at the moon threw the little slits in my curtains.

The last thing I remember before falling asleep was me hoping for Y/n not to hate me. I loved her to much to live another day if she hated me. My very beating heart would stop if I can't have her. I don't need the moon, the stars, the earth or anything else, because she is all I need....and right now, I fucked myself by hurting her. "If she doesn't hate me...I know that I hate myself." I thought before I felt myself drift off to sleep.