Addiction

Chapter 52.

"I realized I need you here as desperate as that sounds.."

(Jon Bellion - Woke The Fuck Up)

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- Hayden's Point of View -

It's been an entire week since Alice left, a long, shitty week. I thought she would've come back like she usually did or at least call, but she has done neither. I don't even know where she's been staying, if she's okay, how she's getting by. She says she loves me, but she made it clear she doesn't want me and I'm not enough for her. I get that I'm not enough for anyone and I've learned to be okay with that. That is why I will not be the one crawling back to her, if she wants me back in her life, she can be the one to come to me. That way I know she wants me and I'm not forcing her to come back.

I've been looking forward to Monday only because I was going to see Alice again. I've already made in my mind how this was going to go, we would speak briefly in the office before my meeting and afterwards I'd ask her to talk. She will say no as usual, then later decides she still wants me and she will come home. She will be back where she belongs; with me.

I thought I had it all figured out but when the elevator doors opened, the reception desk was empty. Alice was not here. I waited a few minutes to see if she would come out of a different room but she didn't. Dr. James opens his office door calling me into the room. After signing in I joined him in the room.

"How are you Mr. Stymest? How are you sleeping."

"Well."

"That's a boldface lie."

"You know me so well Dr. James." My tone dry and sarcastic.

"How are things with you and Miss Greene? I understand you've come upon hard times. Do you want to tell me about it?"

"Alice left me, so I've been having pretty shitty days and nights."

"She left you? I didn't know you two were an actual item."

This boyfriend/girlfriend shit has always piqued me. Why is it that people can't just be with someone without putting a title on it? She is mine and I am hers, fuck boyfriend and girlfriend.

"Why does that matter? Why are people so caught up in labeling everything? It can't ever just be a go with the flow relationship, it has to be labeled."

"No one—according to the women and men of this twenty first century—no one wants to be a friend with benefits with someone that you have become so engrossed and infatuated with. You want what can only be described as a 'more.' No one necessarily knows what that 'more' is, they just know they're not satisfied with where they are now. Friends with benefits is not where Miss Greene wants to be is it?"

"No, but we are more than that Dr. James."

"Then what are—or should I say were you?"

"We're—we—" I pause trying to find the right word for us. "I don't know. We are in this position that's more than friends and even more the boyfriend-girlfriend stage but less than anything else that's more committed."

"You're fine with how you just described your relationship?"

"I'm comfortable there."

"What about Miss Greene, is she comfortable at this stage too?"

"Obviously not, that's why she left." I pause before speaking up again, "She loves me."

"And where does the problem lie? You don't believe she loves you?"