Addiction

Chapter 32.

The one thing that I wanted I didn't get, and I haven't gotten it for the next few days. Dr. James noticed and continued asking if I needed to take time off, Dr. Reece noticed and kept asking what was wrong with me, Dr. Horgan noticed as well and told me if I ever needed anyone to talk to that I should talk to her. But I don't want to talk to them, I don't want to take time off, and I certainly do not want to be bothered by Dr. Reece.

I'm supposed to be happy that my mother isn't dead. But the only thing I feel is that my mother has ruined my life by coming back.

"Alice this is a good thing," Reign tells me over the phone. "Do you think there's a chance you're angry with someone else and you're just taking it out on her? Like Hayden for instance?"

"I'm not angry with Hayden."

"I'm pretty sure you are, but your feelings for him are so strong that you can't see it. He hurt you Alice and has continuously done that since you met him. He's not good for you and deep down you know that you deserve much better but you like him too much. And then your mother came back and you didn't have time to react emotionally to all this Hayden shit, so now you're taking all of your anger out on her. What would they call that in your world?"

"Displacement." I answer through my tears.

Displacement is when a person redirects their effects from an unacceptable target to what's felt to be a safer, less threatening or more acceptable target. Taking my situation for instance, I'm angry with Hayden but he's more intimidating than my mother who I'm forcing all of my anger on. I've been so rude to my her, though I am angry with her, I may not be as angry with her as I'm making myself out to be. All of the pain and anger I felt for Hayden is being taken out on her.

"Yeah sure, I don't really know if that's the correct answer, I'm just a lawyer." She laughs causing me to laugh with her.

"You need to work all of your Hayden shit out before you try to have a reunion with your mother, whom I still can't believe is alive. What type of parents would do this to their child?"

"The asshole type that's who." I join her in laughter again. I haven't laughed in days and I love laughing and being happy not crying and sadness. "I'm just so mind-boggled by it all. You know, my mother and my father are sleeping around after he found out that she was cheating on him and was in love with one of her clients who also happened to be the father of his daughter. Forget my feelings, I feel bad for my dad."

"Stephen or David?"

"David is not my father, he may be my blood, but he isn't my father and he never will be."

"For such a small woman you have a lot of anger inside of you."

"Yeah well this grown up life sucks. I just want to be a kid again. Take me back to a time with no worries, no boyfriend or sex buddy problems, when I could actually sleep." I fall back carelessly onto the mattress, "I just want to sleep."

She sighs into the phone, "I know you're a very stubborn person so you will hate me when I tell you this, but I think you should speak with one of the doctors you work with."

"What? No! I don't need their help. It's insomnia, I know how to treat initial insomnia."

"I'm not saying you don't Alice, but it's better to speak with a real professional about your insomnia and your displacement."

"That's why I come to you, to help me deal with my problems, I don't need any of them."

"You're very egotistical, Dr. Horgan already offered to help you, take her up on her offer. Who cares if you work with her, she can't judge you Alice, and she can't tell anyone what you tell her."