buzzed +- bts

chapter thirty one [daydreamin']

I ghosted my fingers over the now cold bath water. Bright light came in through the tiny window above the faucet, reflecting the water onto the tiled walls.

Four months.

121 days passed since I was discharged from the hospital for attempting suicide. 121 nights spent alone with all the time in the world to reflect, reflect on everything and anything that came to mind.

But now, I was starting to feel the effects of overthinking. Now, my brain was treading over the same events that had led up to this point in my life.

Even if I continued to drown in my thoughts, it wasn't going to bring him back. I wasn't sure if anything could.

News came back that crime rates in Thailand and Cambodia skyrocketed within the last month from drug dealerships burning down public buildings to stealing young children as recruits. Through all of the havoc, I didn't know what to believe. If he wasn't there, helping the chaos throughout Bangkok, then where was he?

Why hadn't he come back yet?

The doorknob to the bathroom was opened slowly, helping a cold draft breeze in. I didn't look up to meet the eyes of the person who walked in as they sat on the floor next to the tub.

I didn't care if they saw me in my purest form, nothing else seemed to matter to me. My contact with the outside world diminished once I locked myself away from the wandering eyes.

The entire club had been closed temporarily because of the neglected monthly payments and lack of ownership, leaving me to take refuge in someone else's home. He disappeared without a trace, leaving the rest of us to pick up the pieces after him.

A gentle hand brushed across my back soothingly, washing away some of the prickling agitation that managed to crawl up my spine. I hadn't even noticed the large time skip, but then, I hadn't been paying attention to much these days.

'What's on your mind?' I slowly turned my head and sucked in a harsh sob at the sight. Glowing in all of his presence, he cracked a small smile; the one I had longed to see for so long. The one I had often imagined every night before falling asleep.

'Wh-'

The words were caught in my throat as I lifted my hand from under the water. My fingers traveled towards his body, touching and feeling his arms and his face. The soft skin beneath my fingertips comforted me, relieved me of all the depressing thoughts I had expelled from my mind.

It felt so real, almost too good to be true.

His chuckle filled the bathroom with it's mellow tone that matched the heavenly glow of light. I fisted his blonde hair into my grip, staring at the strands through my fingers.

'Hey, you're pulling it all out.' He lightly grabbed a hold of my wrist and led it towards his mouth. The feeling of his soft lips pressing against my knuckles brought out the cry I had choked back for so many days.

'I've missed you.'

My eyes jolted open as a loud bang startled me. I looked around, taking in my surroundings until I realized that I was still in the bathtub.

I looked over to the side of the bathtub, but he was gone. The bang came again on the door, a quick knock following that signified that someone was going to come in.

Sinking lower into the water, I stared into the rays of light that blinded me.

'You've been in here since six, it's already twelve.' The creak of the wooden floor warned me that he was sitting near me on the floor.

I shrugged my shoulders in response, looking down at my overly hydrated fingers.It wasn't uncommon anymore, finding myself in the bathtub lost away in my old world. Anyone would have mistaken me for a psychotic person, but it never phased me.

My heart slowly came down from its high at the mere dream of his touch. I was truly a poor prisoner caught up in memories that could never be recreated.

'Please tell me what you're thinking.' An exasperated sigh left his lips as he leaned against the barrier of the tub. There was no trace of ill intention in his voice, only concern that could have been mistaken for overbearingness.

'He's alive, I know he is.' My own dry voice finally spoke out for the first time in days, sounding like sandpaper had been rubbed along my vocal cords.

'What are you talking about El?' His hands brushed my hair out of my face softly. I turned to look into his dark eyes, the same eyes that reminded me of his.

'He's alive,' I repeated before pulling the plug from the drain and reaching for a towel. The warmth of the fuzzy material dried the water lingering on my skin and hair as I got out of the tub and walked past him into the main bedroom.

Problems were flaring up between Jess and Jimin, thus eliminating the possibility of my stay there. No one else had offered me housing except for the kind hearted Jungkook.

The past months had been spent at him flat that he had never mentioned until that point. I always speculated that he had a home outside, but I had no knowledge of what type of home it was.

There was no routine I followed. Each day brought something different for me with its own challenges.

My feet carried me over to the bed and I fell onto it with exhaustion. Even though it was noon, I had no energy left for anything and I only wanted sleep.

The weight of the bed shifted as he took a seat next to my curled position, his hands using another towel to dry my hair thoroughly to rid of the excess water.

'You baby me too much, it's going to make me spoiled one day.' Muttering under my breath, he let out a light laugh in response.

'I'm only filling in for the position of a good boyfriend. Actually, I guarantee that no other guy would take care of you this much.'

'Conceited freak.' My lips curled up in a tiny smile as I glanced at him.

He lowered himself into a laying position then turned to look into my eyes. I could only focus on his face, wondering how I had managed to daydream about another when the person in front of me seemed almost too perfect. His efforts as my caretaker never slackened on any occasion and his inputs were never unnoticed.

'How was the interview today?' I used my fingers to poke around at his cheeks and nose, eliciting a grin from him.

'I start work on Tuesday.'

My eyes immediately widened at his words, my fingers frozen in position.

I leaped from my crumpled form and wrapped my arms around his torso, nuzzling the crook of his neck. The towel had been removed from my body slightly but I was too overjoyed to care.

Everything was starting to seem normal, but I knew the burning sensation in the pit of my stomach too well.

'I love you.' He breathed slowly down my neck, holding in in place on top of him with one arm.

And although he didn't care if I responded or not, I couldn't find myself to reciprocate his words, not when the lingering touch of Yoongi still remained on my arms.

-

gotta catch em' all

POKEMONNNNNNN-

fact of the day: once you start re-reading naruto, you can't stop even when you have important exams coming up

recommendations: listen to Middle by DJ Snake for dis chapter, or just listen to some Sebastian Bach because tears come out the same either way

jk, its not too bad hahaaaaaaa

-elise