Silver Lining - The Host fanfiction

Chapter 31 The Man in the Mirror

“We are all travelers in this world
From the young grass to the pack house
From the cradle to the grave

We travel between two eternities.”

- Broken Trail

 

Burns

 

It’s strange really. I would never have thought a human life would affect me like this. They’re not all that horrible I suppose.
Emma was nice and fun, but in the end she lied to me.
I don’t know what to think anymore. I wish I could ask her why. No matter how often I ask myself that question, I will never understand. Was she still afraid of me?

Of course, she thought I was the enemy. An alien monster from out of space.
Did she think I’d hurt her? After everything that happened, did she think I would do something like that?
The worst part is that I can’t talk about it with anyone. As great as my friends are, Core would stay in it and Ocean would not approve. Scales would probably laugh at first, but he’d get suspicious of her. Word would come out and the Seekers would show up.
Despite of what she did, I wouldn’t want to see her get taken. I hope she is alright. I wish her well. I hope she is happy.

I sit down in my study with a cup of coffee. It’s quiet after my time with Ocean and Core, but that’s fine. It’s been a while since I’ve had the time to organize my work. There’s still so many pictures and notes that I haven’t recorded yet.
My hands still as they find an odd shaped leaf. It’s flat and dried out now, but I remember where it came from. I picked it up the day in the mountains with Emma.
A smile finds its way to my face.
Emma.
I shake off the thought and put the leaf aside. I’ll finish up later. I should really get some groceries. I’ve been away for a while and the fridge is empty.
I nod to myself. Yes, that’s a great idea.
I put on my jacket and head outside. It’s a clear day and the store is not far, so I decide to walk.

A handful of people is out on the street. Some teenagers are playing soccer in the park.
A woman is pushing a pram. I stop to stare at her for a while. She is a good fifteen years older than me. Her hair is already starting to grey.
It’s obvious that she loves her child very much. Is that what humans feel towards their children? Is it still the same as it was then? Are we different from humans? Or are we becoming human?
It’s a scary thought. Being with Emma has already changed me. What if we keep on changing? Will we eventually become what we are trying to change?
The mother passes me and I shake off the thought.

Thru stands behind the counter at the bakery and he grins when I enter. “Burns! Long time no see. How was your trip? Ocean and Core alright?”
I nod. “It was good to see them again,” I say, “they’re looking for a place nearby.”
“Really? That’s good news. You won’t have to travel so far anymore.”
"Yes,” I say, “I’d love to have them closer.” 
“So,” Thru continues, “what happened to your lady friend? Emily was it?”
“Emma,” I correct him, “she… left.”
Thru looks at me with sympathy. “I’m sorry to hear that. She seemed nice. And you’ve been alone for a long time. It would be nice if you found someone to share this lifespan with.”
“You haven’t found a partner,” I point out.
Thru shrugs. “I don’t need a mate. I like meeting different kinds of people. I’m not ready to settle down with just one partner. You on the other hand could really use someone.”
I stare at him. Ocean had said something similar. I’m still not sure what to make of it. I’ve never looked for a partner before. “I don’t know,” I say, “I’ve never had a partner before. I don’t think I’m missing out on anything.” 
“Ah well,” Thru shrugs, “it’s still your decision. So what can I help you with?” 
“A loaf of bread please and some bread rolls.” 
“Coming up.” He turns and disappears into the back. As I wait for him, I think about what to make for dinner tonight. Perhaps pasta. I haven’t made that in a while.
hru reenters and bags the bread. “There you go.” 
“Thank you.” I take the bag from him and head out the door.

***

In some ways, I guess it would be nice to have a partner. Especially at moment like this.
I’m sitting in my kitchen.
Alone.
Eating a plate of pasta.
By myself.
I’ve never really thought about it before. As a Bear, I was always out, exploring. And I had Ocean with me.
We weren’t mates, but she was still my friend. And I had other friends too.

Fire Tasters aren’t solitary creatures, but they don’t mate either. They have other ways of… reproducing. That’s what I should call it I think.
I know I’ve said it before, but humans are very different. They’re social beings, but they spend a lot of time on their own as well.
My host was a loner, so I don’t have any memories of a different kind of life.
But perhaps it would be nice to have someone at my side. I had a nice time with Emma, even if she is a human.
I sigh.
Emma.
It always comes back to her.
I do hope she’s okay, wherever she went. Perhaps she has found other humans. They are still around, even if they’re rare.
I clean up the table and put my plate in the sink. I turn on the radio. The silence is suddenly not so comforting anymore. I need sound to distract me.
Talking to someone would be nice now.
Perhaps everyone is right and I should look for someone to spend my time on Earth with. 
Only, I wouldn’t know how to find someone.
I sigh.

Life was much easier a few months ago.