Silver Lining - The Host fanfiction

Chapter 44 The Dragonslayer

Our faces are cold and tight
smooth with rain, as if we were crying
It’s not crying, it’s
rain and skin

 - “This View” – Further IV (translated)

Burns

 

This is more than I can bear. With every word I say, I feel like I’m deceiving her.

I know she likes me. She made that quite clear. And I wonder how things would have turned out if we’d met under different circumstances.

But we haven’t.

It is how it is.

And it’s not right.

My mind drifts towards the small object in my backpack. I picked it up at the pharmacy at the last moment, but I’m not sure I will be able to use it. And if I do, will I be able to live with myself?

But what if I don’t?

I turn on the wipers. A soft rain has started to fall and it adds to my distress.

Sky’s earlier question keeps playing through my mind.

 “Would you still like me in a different body?”

 I let out a sigh. Was it a rhetorical question? Or would she…

I know about jumpers. It’s not talked about, because it’s considered improper. It’s wasting a life. And every life is precious.

I glance at Sky. Does she share my opinion? Is all life precious?
Even human life?

“You’re so quiet,”  Sky says, “is something wrong?” 
“Hm? No, I was just… focused on the road. I’m not sure what exit to take.” Lying has become so easy. Lately it seems it’s all I’m doing. Lying to my friends, to Sky, but most of all to myself.

Sky unfolds the road map and studies it for a moment. “I think it’s the next one,” she glances up, “yes, look. There’s a sign there.” 
I nod quietly and take the exit.

Life was easier before I met Emma. I knew my purpose then. And Earth was just another planet to explore.

Things have become so complicated now.

“Do you want me to drive?” Sky suddenly asks, “you drove all of yesterday too.” 
I manage a smile. “I don’t mind.”
"But you must be tired…”
“I’m fine.” It came out harsher than I intended and I sigh. “I’m sorry. I didn’t sleep well last night and this morning when I saw the Seekers… I’m just a little on edge.” 
Sky bites her lip. “I never thought there would still be humans out there. How is it possible? How could they stay undetected for so long?” 
Questions I have asked myself many times.
“Earth is the only planet where the assimilation turned into a war,” I say softly, “no one else fought back.”
“Yes, they told me before coming here,” Sky nods, “but I still thought we had fully assimilated this planet.” 
I keep quiet for a moment and Sky turns on the radio. “They didn’t say anything on the news,” she notes.
“I suppose they don’t want people to panic,” I say, “besides, the Seekers are there to make sure the don’t pose a threat.” 
Sky bites her lip. “Patt mentioned something last time I saw him. There were extra patrols in the area. He said not to worry. Do you think there were humans there too?” 
My hands tighten around the wheel. Could it be possible? “I don’t know,” I mumble. I let out a sigh. “Somewhere it’s admirable, don’t you think? They’re not giving up. That must mean something.” 
Sky wraps her arms around herself and shivers. “Have you forgotten what shape this world was in before we took over? So much violence and hate. Pollution. They ruined this world. They don’t deserve it.” 
The last few words are almost inaudible and strangely enough, they hurt me. I think about Emma. She wasn’t cruel or hateful. She was just scared. And sad. She missed her family and friends.