LIVE IN YOUR BREATH ( slowly editing )

PART 8 : Did I ever love him?

Part 8 : Did I ever love him?

In the morning, for the first time after I had that accident, I wake up fresh. I feel so relieved for something I don't know. I am really want to sent Josh a text. I take my phone and found a message, from Clay, again.

Good Morning,

That's all. I only reply "Good Morning, Clay". And I text Josh " Hi Josh. What time will you pick me up?"

"On my way there, princess."

Oh, my God, I really overslept. I go to the bathroom, take a shower very quick and prepare to go to school. When Josh come to my house, I hug him so tight. He hugs be back confused and said "Hey, babe, what's wrong? Why are you so happy?"

"Uhm.. I.. I.. "

"What is it, Kay?"

Suddenly I feel some fear to tell him the truth. I'm scared to lose him. "I found my diary. I think I can find the missing part of me which no one knows, Josh."

"That's good, Kay. Why did you scared?"

"I don't know, Josh. I found Clay. Who I call his name before. Do you remember?"

I swear I see a dissappointment in his eyes and i really feel bad. "I'm sorry, Josh. I'm really sorry. But that's not what you think that I will end this relationship. I only want to know my missing part. And I need him. That's all, Josh. Can you understand?"

He hugs me tight, "If that's what you want, I think I can understand. Just take really good care of yourself, ok. I love you always."

"I love you too, Josh. You know that." I hear myself speaking with doubt, honestly. But i am sure I love Josh and will always do that. I only want to know the truth. That's all.

"Ok, come on, we will be late."

He keeps silent in our way to school. And that makes me feel bad. Really. But at least I already tell him the truth. Even if that is not really good news for him. How can it be a good news if he found his girl had another boyfriend. I know it is not good, so I keep silent also. I'm not sure whether I do the right thing or not.

While waiting for class, I sent Clay some messages.

Hey, Clay. Are you there?

Yep I am. Wow, it is awesome. You still have the same words as before although you don't remember your past. Lol. I'm kidding. How is your day?

Lol. I'm good. No kidding. How dare you make my memory lost as a joke. Anyway, I did opened my diary. Thanks for the password.

Lol sorry. That's good. I hope you did find something useful.

Yeah a bit. Anyway, how come you know the password?

You told me. How is your body, Kay? Is it better?

Ic.. yes, it is better. Well, Clay, I guess you were so important to me. Why didn't you try to find me when I disappeared for almost a week? Why were you only sent me messages? Did I had one sided love? Can we meet? Or did we ever meet?

Kay, there is only one reason for all your question. I am too far from you. I won't be able to find you. And, no, we never meet, and we can't meet. That was our promise. I'm sorry.

So, do you mean we had some long distance relationship?

Yeah, some kind like that.

Won't we ever meet?

Lol that's really awesome, dear. You still the same Kayla I know. You ask exactly the same question, Kay. I know you will remember your past, someday, don't give up, ok?

Just when he said that, my teacher come in. I quickly sent a goodbye text to him. He is a stranger for me know. But I think he is attractive. From our short conversation, he seems like a nice guy. Maybe different from Josh. And maybe the movies is right. Although we forget the past, the feeling won't change. But now I don't even know whether it is good or not. I have Josh.

The day goes on quickly. Today is wednesday. Josh will be in a field. He has a training every wednesday and friday. So i go there. Just before i arrive there, I see Josh wave at me. The sun shine at his muscle. He is good looking. I can't hurt him. I smile, run to him, and hug him "hey, honey. How are you feeling?"

"Of course i'm good, princess. I have a beautiful girlfriend wih me. I am the most lucky guy in the world." His lips meet mine. I feel a bit shocked. But it feels good. I kiss him. He continue taste my lips. The kisses become more and more, until I heard someone said "get a room."

We stop and see where the sound come from. Brie is laughing so hard. I smile. It is always good to see her. "Well, I'm sorry to make you jealous, girl." I joke with her.

"So, how is everything?"

"Everything is perfect, Brie. I did talk to Josh about Clay. He is a bit dissappointed. But as you said, he deserves to know. I only want to find my missing parts. Yeah, I only want to do that."

Yes, i only want to know the missing part. Although, honestly I am not sure I only want to know the missing parts. I feel something weird in my feeling. Ah, back to Clay, why I can't meet him? How can I loved him that much if we can't even meet? There is something mysterious in the missing part.