Worth It

Chapter Twelve

Life doesn't stop when someone disappears

Chapter Twelve

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The food on my plate looks unappetizing the longer I toss it around my plate.Its not that Amirah's mums food isn't delicious,it's that I have lost my appetite since my mother passed away.My father is currently in hospital.His life being dictated by the oxygen machine strapped onto him.If it was to be taken off,he would pass away too.I can't bear the thought of that.I really can't lose two of the most important people in my life.He has been in a coma for the last month not knowing what has been going on.The longer he stays unconscious the more worried I get. 

"The best life that we have experienced, is that of patience, and if patience were a man, he would be most generous'.Umar RadiAllahu Anhu said that."Mariem,Amirah's mum advised as she noticed my discomfort and lack of interest in the food.She sighed an put down the spoon in her hands on the table. I glanced at her before looking back at the rice on my plate.I tried to distract myself by looking at the individual pieces not wanting her to know how I felt. 

"Habibti(my love), Allah wrote this was going to happen.There is nothing that could stop this and you just have to look up and say Alhamdulilah(thank you Allah). He has everything planned out for you. You have to just put your trust in him completely and be patient and strong because Allah loves the patient and strong. 

Sweetie, there is nothing I can say that will make you feel better but I can guarantee you that your mothers death wasn't in vain.I lost my omee(mother in Arabic) when I was twenty two.I was old enough and mature enough to understand that i lost the most important person in my life and I was devastated.She had paradise under her feet.My omee got tortured before she died because of her illness but walahi(I swear to god) she was the strongest women I know.She never showed the pain and woke up before us every morning at five thirty to make us breakfast.She still ironed my headscarfs and did my laundry giving out about how I'm nearly getting married and cant even wash my own socks.She used to always whisper to me as if she's telling me a secret"Allah is watching. Be on your best behavior" "Mariems eyes were glazed and you could see how hard she tried to keep the tears in.For once I felt like someone knows what I am going through. I stopped looking at my food and walked up to her and hugged her.Amirah and her two brothers also joined in the hug.They waited for me to pull back before they hugged her incase they ended up touching me by accident. "It's okay Mama, jadtee(My granma) is now in jannah(heaven) inshallah.Shes doing better then us inshallah" Adam reassured her as he kissed her forehead.She nodded repeatedly as tears streaked down her cheeks.Foad, there father walked in that moment and sensed the tension and sadness as he walked towards his family.He smiled at me and said Salam as I tried to smile back at him. His wife turned to look at him and he dropped his briefcase and held her in his arms.Amirah being the typical daddy's girl as the only girl in the family hugged her father with Adam and Noah joining in.I lingered in the background and watched this family embracing each other.Caring for there mother and worrying about her.I couldn't help but think about how this could never happen to me.About how I could never get to kiss my mothers cheek anymore or feel her strong arms around me.Im never going to be able to taste her homemade chocolate chip muffins that she used to add extra chocolate in because she knew I preferred it no matter how much she would complain about it.i thought about the fact that my father could pass away any second if his lungs decide to just stop working completely.I thought about how bad my life is right now and how I just wanted everything to rewind and never happen.I felt so out of place with this loving family and felt my eyes watering and a lump clogging my throat.I played with my fingers trying to distract my self from these thoughts.The ache in my heart started again.It felt like my heart being strangled and stabbed and squished and then being drowned in the ocean.the deep vast ocean.