Worth It

Chapter Twenty Eight

Chapter Twenty Eight

Nothing Allah has written for you goes to someone else. So relax, take a deep breath and be patient

________________

I took a deep breath as I looked at myself in the car mirror before getting out of the car. I fixed up my dusty brown and pink open abaya. I made sure my white skinny jeans were covered as I made my way towards the café Ameer was waiting for me in.

I spotted him as soon as I got into the door. He turned towards me and my heart dropped at seeing how handsome he was in his black Armani three-piece suit. He stood up immediately and I noticed his hand shaking. His confident demeanour was surprisingly not in place for once. I stared at him from across the room until I grew the courage to walk towards him. I couldn't do this to him. He still had his ring on. That caused another dig.

"Salam" I whispered when I was close enough for him to hear me speak. I still couldn't get myself to be in close proximity to him.

"Walakom Asalam" He nodded towards the chair he held out to me. I gulped and sat as he pushed it in.

He cleared his throat before speaking.

"I ordered your favorite"

"Thank you"

I didn't even have the stomach to drink anything without throwing up.

"You get more and more beautiful every time I see you"

His voice cut through me like a knife and I couldn't handle this. My eyes flew up as if they were magnetized to his and I could see all his emotions screaming at me, in full view, performing for me a script about his sad soul.

I tried to hide my smile as I looked down towards his coffee cup. I took a deep breath and tried to put my thoughts into a decent order. He understood and let me take my time.

I was having an internal battle between my mind and my heart. Being with Ameer is the logical thing to do. He has an amazing level of Deen that would bring me higher and that was something I was desperate for. He could provide for me as he has a successful career and most importantly, I know that he will treat me well. He loves me and I know that I love him too. He gets along with my family and they trust him as do his family with me.

But my heart is still attached to someone else. My mind is constantly taken over by another man. My heart quickens when his smile crosses my mind. And that happens a lot. And that's not fair. Ameer deserves someone who will love him with all her heart. I can't be that girl when my heart is already taken by someone else. And that's the biggest problem.

I need my love to be so deep for Allah that a man would need to get to that level in order to get to me. I shouldn't need a man to bring my religion higher. I should only need myself. I am not ready to be in any relationship.

I looked at him and recorded every little beautiful detail on his face. He was biting his lips, an old habit he does when he is nervous. His eyebrows were tensed and his jawline was very prominent. I was tempted to comfort him by holding his hands which were folded on the table.

"Ameer, I want you to listen to everything I'm about to say before getting upset or angry"

He nodded his head repeatedly and then I explained to him my decision. Islam was the most important thing to me and he knows that. Now more than ever.

"I understand Alanna, but I can help you get to that point" he leaned closer towards me to emphasise his point.

"I will call you for Fajr to wake you up if you want and I'll send you links to good Islamic lectures. I'll take time off work so that we can go to Islamic conferences all over the world, I'll teach you Arabic so that you can learn the Quran. I will help you"